when a child dies...changing my perspective

This week has been a difficult week.
I have been stretched to the limit.
The kids have been fighting, the finances have been tight and I have been mega-tired.

I placed everything I could into the 'too hard basket' and left it all until the last minute.
I have been flying by the seat of my pants every day to survive.
I have been hoping that the things I am doing are going to be enough to hold everyone together and to keep the family running.

At moments I felt lost and alone.
I just couldn't see clearly the changes we needed to make as a family and within myself to create better unity and 'ellisium' in our home.

Then something happened that changed my perspective.
A friend of mine had her new born baby die.

Her baby was a beautiful, gorgeous, precious angel of a baby girl.
I had the wonderful opportunity of holding her for a short time.

Her sweet little face, gorgeous lips and darling little spirit were priceless.

I was so overjoyed for my friend who had struggled to become pregnant, who struggled throughout the pregnancy and finally was blessed with a healthy baby girl to welcome to her family.

I was so proud of the challenges she had overcome, the emotions she had faced and my heart was bursting with joy to see her dream come true.

I was shocked to hear several days later that this cherub has passed away at home.
I thought of the struggle she now had to face and tears filled my eyes.

Recovering from birth, changing hormones, crazy emotions, your milk coming in, afterbirth pains and sleep deprevation are enough to send any mother over the edge at the best of times. But dealing with the grief of losing a child...it is surely too much to carry at such a time.

It is something foreign to me and my heart breaks to imagine how women deal and face with these sorrows. I know many women face this daily and I have had several friends deal with such a loss.

As I have watched them in their grief I have been touched to see an inner strength come that they and I surely did not know they had. Somehow they held themselves together to make decisions, supported other family members and even found time to work on healing themselves. To me these women are super-women who have truly entered the valley of the shadow of death, stayed longer than expected and risen out of that valley to be stronger, kinder and more compassionate towards others.

It is also wonderful to see family, friends and even strangers support women during these times. The outpouring of kindness and sensitivity is inspiring and uplifting.

As I pondered my own life and my so called 'crappy' week, my thoughts and perspective immediately changed. I began to see clearly just how blessed I am.

Sure my kids drive my crazy, sure my house is a mess some days, sure I struggle with my emotions and challenges of raising kids. But...I get to hug them, talk to them and treasure them for a little while longer while we journey on our time here on earth together.

It was a huge wake up call for me to remember to appreciate those little moments.
You know the ones that you would not trade for anything....

• those moments when your kids give you a hug
• when they plant a sloppy wet kiss on your cheek
• when a new baby wraps her hand around your finger
• when your baby looks at you, really looks at you for the first time
• when you see your child accomplish something for the first time all by themselves
• when your kids are asleep at night and they look like angels
• the first time they call you mum and
• when they run to greet you at the door when you have only been gone a short time.

So I will take my crap week and be happy that I get to share it with my children and be thankful that I get to hug them tonight and love them as long as they are with me.