harmony's birthday part 1: maintaining an image

Having felt like I just recovered from the last birthday, I once again swung into party mode for Harmony's birthday. I sat down with her and asked what she wanted to do for her birthday. This year was not a big party year for her and I suggested that she have a few friends over like we normally do.

As I chatted with her I was very surprised by her response and the following conversation we had really shocked me.

I asked Harmony 'Do you want to have some friends come over for a little party?'
Harmony replied "No. I don't want any friends to come over."
Me 'Why not? don't you want to share your birthday with your friends and have fun?'
Harmony "No. All my friends like me at school because I am cool. If they come to my house they won't think I am cool any more."
Me ~ picking myself up off the floor "What do you mean if they come to your house they won't think you are cool?"
Harmony 'Our house is not cool.'

You know sometimes as parent I think I am doing a good job and then a short little conversation with one of my kids always puts me in my place. Immediately my mind starts racing and asking questions like:

How can my daughter care so much about maintaining an image?
What is she doing at school to maintain this image?
Haven't I taught her it does not matter what others think?
What is wrong with our house?
What is a cool house?

Well, after a few more 'chats' and some moments of having to humble myself and really listen, Harmony told me she wanted to spend her birthday with just her family {I do have to add here that I was touched she wanted to spend it just with us} and she wanted to have an Art party where we all did some art together. I will post about the party tomorrow.

After thinking about Harmony and the school situation I decided to do something special for her that I knew would make her happy. On Friday I dropped her off at school and wished her a great day. I had a secret chat to her teacher and organised a time to come into the class. I then took off to the shops, picked up some small super cute cupcakes {24 to be exact}, grabbed a cheap tiara and headed back to the school.

I will always remember the look of surprise on Harmony's face as I walked into the classroom carrying a plate of cupcakes for her to celebrate her birthday with her class. I knew she secretly wanted to share it with them and as she is so young and her thoughts of her image override her emotions I did not want her to miss out! I took out the tiara and placed it on her head and she beamed that gorgeous smile as everyone sang Happy Birthday to her.

I shared my chat experience with Harmony's teacher and she mentioned that Harmony was very popular at school - that all the children in her year level want to be friends with her. I obviously think my daughter is wonderful but I had no idea so many other people did too!

So Harmony and I will be having a few more chats about image, life and school in the future and working out how we can get a healthy balance for her and her friends. Gosh, being a mother sure keeps me out of my comfort zone!