Tonight I am feeling too tired to be a mum.
My brain hurts, my body hurts and my bed is calling my name.
(Fresh sheets make it even more tempting).
My patience has gone, it has left the building, it vanished in a puff of smoke and I have had enough and just want to do things that I want to do. Like eat chocolate and go blog surfing.
I have spent the past 2 hours (and counting) trying to put the kids to bed.
The reading stories, the 'I will give you a chocolate if you get into bed' bribe (which I only use if I am exhausted and desperate), the silent treatment, the no eye contact treatment, the hugs, the back rubbing, the hair stroking....none of it is working and I am tired.
I want to finish the dishes from dinner.
I want to mop the floors.
I want to put the washing away.
I want to read a book and drink hot chocolate.
I want to not be interrupted so I can think for once.
(I love these kids so much but how many times do I need to be told everything their teachers and friends said today???)
(teachers I love you and appreciate you and you play such an important role in my kids lives and I know my kids feel the same way because they remember everything you say!)
So right now, while I am feeling this way, I try my best to turn my thoughts to good things.
I put on a song a like, sometimes a slow relaxing song, that helps me focus on spiritual things, to draw strength from above, and uplift my heart and mind to be able to cope.
Sometimes a upbeat dancing song that will motivate me (especially if I have lots of housework to do) and to help me find energy to do the things that need to be done.
Why? because I know like most of us, no-one is going to come and rescue me.
I need to pull myself together and face the things that need to be done.
I know I can leave them and they will still be there in the morning but there is a greater feeling that comes the next morning if I have been able to overcome my challenges the night before and I can walk into a fresh, clean kitchen.
That next morning it makes me smile to remember that every day is a fresh new day with a fresh start and it gives me hope that each day has the potential to be better than the last one.