Often I am so focused on helping them that I forget about myself.
When this happens I personally get stuck in a rut. I stop moving forward and I get depressed.
This is because of the way I think. My internal thoughts and beliefs.
I let them stop ME from progressing and from being happy.
It can be as simple as:
you are not good enough
you are not patient enough
you lost your temper again
you can't get the kids to listen to you
you can't meet all the kids needs
you can't hold yourself together
you are not kind
you are not loving
you are being selfish
you are a not strong enough
you are not important
you not worth making time for
These are UNREALISTIC thoughts.
They lead to DEPRESSING feelings of NO SELF WORTH!
We are not expected to be perfect in our mothering.
Just doing the best we can.
For me, when my cherubs were young, I would set ONE goal to achieve each day.
If I could achieve that ONE goal, I knew I would feel great for the whole day.
It was something I could cling to, refer to, and give me a boost during the day.
It helped to improve my SELF talk and in turn the way I talked to my children.
MY SECRET: For my goal I would make it something I KNEW I could achieve.
EXAMPLE: to get dressed, to have breakfast, to have a shower or to clean my teeth.
Crazy, I know! but...you should TRY it - it really works. I would jump up in the air, punch the sky and yell out with great excitement - Woo Hoo! I achieved my goal for the day! I cleaned my teeth!!!
Back then, it was BIG for me. It was what I NEEDED.
Now, I can set bigger goals, harder goals and challenge myself more.
As my children have grown my thoughts have improved and my expectation has lessened.
I can now set a goal to shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, eat breakfast and even do the dishes!
I believe as women and as Mother's we forget to be kind and gentle to ourselves.
We generally save this type of special behaviour for others, feeling that we do not deserve it.
We do deserve it, we are worth it and we NEED to show it to ourselves.
Being gentle is to be considerate, tender and kindly towards ourselves.
As we take life a little more gently, a little more slowly, we will be able to see improvements and be surprised to notice that we are moving forward, we are progressing and we are finding happiness.
Today I hope you can think of something you could do just for YOU and then find the time DO IT!
If you cannot think of anything: gently, lovingly wrap your arms around yourself and remind yourself you are doing an awesome job....because YOU are!
Remember * Kindness Begins With Me
This is also number 14 in my happiness list.
This rings true for me this week. Sitting here beating myself up and it is just making things worse. I am going to set a goal to get out of this room for ten minutes today.
ReplyDeleteSo true, I know that I am my own worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteMy goal for today is to try to leave work early enough to be back for the school pick-up for a change, then when I get home to sit and enjoy a cup of tea before working out what to do next!
This is exactly what my therapist taught me to do.
ReplyDeleteThink positive thoughts about yourself, especially when you first wake up.
Small goals. For nearly 2 years, I considered the day a rousing success if I got my daughter to school and made dinner. That was all I did. And I was SO Proud!
Even now, my goals are small and rarely large. Spending 5 minutes on the dishes. Success! Folding three clothes and putting them away. SCORE!
You are important. Just being there, you are doing wonderful things for your kids.
You are worth my time.
You are worth your time.
Just what I needed to hear today.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Naomi!
ReplyDeleteI've been wondering if I'm really teaching my kids enough, beating myself up about it. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteSweet sign! I need one of those. Mine would read, "Please forgive me. I'm doing my best."
ReplyDeleteDearest Naomi, I'm so pleased with your choice for today and love the positive energy emanating from this post. You have no idea how perfect it is for me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
ReplyDeleteBiggest of sunshiney hugs to you dear friend,
xx Felicity
First time visitor to your blog and I just had to leave a comment to tell you that this was just what I needed to read today. Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Naomi
ReplyDeletethat was exactly what i needed to hear today
How much to I love this (let me count the ways...) - EXACTLY what I need to hear (and be reminded of) each day. I write massive "to-do lists" each day and often feel a failure when I dont cross off every single item.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wise woman Mrs Seven Cherubs xx
Awesome post. It is so true as mothers we tend to be very hard on ourselves.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that always makes me feel better is doing as you do, set small goals.
Thanks for this positive post. :)
Great reminder Naomi. And when you are having those negative thoughts, it is also useful to ask yourself what is the evidence to prove these thoughts? It often helps to put things into perspective. ie. If you say to yourself "I am being selfish", you dont usually have to think very hard to come up with all the reasons why you are not selfish and all the things you do that make you unselfish.
ReplyDeleteTotally loving this post, you have written it so well.. It's So True!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the 'little' challenges, i am a SAHM and i often find my self still in my p.j's at lunch time..
Or night time comes and i hadn't got around to simple little things like brushing my hair..
I am glad you have decided to 'Take back your blog'. :)
I am so glad I am not the only one who is feels it is important to work on small goals some days. One of the things I love about having a blog is that when I write something, everyone adds so much more additional insight and I end up learning so much more about the topic I started thinking about. Love your thoughts. Naomi x
ReplyDeleteOh, you dear girl. Thanks for your honesty and sharing. I completely *get* what you are saying. And am living it.
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the most extraordinary people I know and an inspiration to many - don't forget that! J x
Thanks Naomi, I really needed this today!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post I sent the husband out to get pizza for dinner.
The 6 month old and I have had a nightmare of a day with both of us in tears more than once!
Haven't had a day like this since she was a newborn and I'm sure tomorrow will be better but for now, I decided to treat myself to pizza instead of slaving away in the kitchen!
What a mother you are!
ReplyDeleteI can see I'll be visiting here often for inspiration :)
Funny, I was thinking today that I must write something about 'going gentle', basically the same idea.
We can be our own worst enemies sometimes.
Hi Naomi, be kind to yourself is the advice I give to all new Mums, especially my daughters, so to hear my daughter at ABC2011 say the same thing on stage was a great feeling. Great to hear that you are sharing the same advice, with yourself as we often need to remind ourselves first, but also with your community.
ReplyDeleteWas lovely to meet you at the Conference, sorry it has take a few days for me to get here, but here I am. xxx
I think I was meant to read this today, Naomi. Thanks for giving me a little perspective. It's been a particularly tough one and I needed to hear words like this.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you! :)
I'm going to have to try this tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post Naomi. Us mothers are incredibly hard on ourselves.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when I'm being particularly awful to me, I try to think of what I would say to my best friend if she was telling me about all the ways she was hopeless and horrible. There is no WAY I would ever talk to my friends the way I talk to myself - which is just silly!! We should all be our own best friend!!
We are most often our own harshest critics... which is insane because no one knows better than us how hard mothering can be. Great reminder, great post xx
ReplyDelete...And this is why I love your blog dear Naomi :) Your honesty and inspiration is always shared at just the right time!!
ReplyDeleteLove the picture and sign!
xo
A lovely post. I always try to remember that EVERYONE is doing their best. At least I hope they are... :)
ReplyDeleteSo funny you mentioned cleaning teeth. NO LIE, my New Year's resolution was to brush my teeth every morning AND night... I just never seem to be able to get it done twice a day! TOO MANY KIDS! :) Thanks for this. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement. I think I've finally mastered the getting dressed each day...eventually...this is the same topic I wrote about this week. Nice to hear other people are dealing with the same thing!
ReplyDeleteExactly. How do we expect to be kind to others if we are not kind to ourselves first? Something I always forget and then I try and remind myself to slow down, take a deep breath and laugh with my kids. Thats my goal every day, to laugh with my boys. Nothing else matters. Thanks Naomi you always know what to say.
ReplyDeleteThankyou for reminding me that all the things I DID do during the day are achievements instead of thinking about all the things I did NOT get done today :D
ReplyDeleteI think this is true for most men and women in the world - but it truly speaks to mums!
ReplyDeleteWe really do expect so much more from ourselves than others, and it means so much to have someone remind me to give myself a break.
I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and worker - I am already a superwoman!
If my house is not magazine-ready, then Superman can come and help :)