As a young mother I had some high ideals.
My kids were not going to be snotty nosed, disney character loving, eat off the floor kids. They were going to have excellent manners, use tissues at all times, look respecatable at all times and turn their noses up at any food items that hit the deck.
Oh! how times have changed in my house.
Having spent the past nine years with three or four children at home I have gone through stages where I wore snotty snail tracks on my clothes for years in a row and even resorted to using clothing to wipe kids noses. Mine or theirs. I was really shocked to find myself yelling at the kids one day for not wiping their nose with the t-shirt they were wearing. What type of mother had I become?
I was very different to what I expected I was going to be like and did not know that during this time survival of each day was going to be so much more important than what I or my children looked like during the day.
During this time I also found myself almost begging them to love a disney character so I could buy them a quick fix to keep them quiet some days. I wanted them to have a favourite character so that I had at least one fall back plan to bring me some peace of mind in those stressful moments that come with many cherubs at home.
To lower the standards even more I even found myself encouraging my kids to quickly grab food off the floor, to save me more time and even justified my actions to my kids. So many times a plate has dropped on the floor and I have been so run off my feet helping kids with dinner that I have scrapped it back into the bowl, served it up to the poor cherub whose meal it was and carried on.
I have had many doors open in my motherhood journey and many doors close. I have changed my mind about what works for me and what works for my children. I have briefly opened some doors I never thought I would to help me survive motherhood and closed them as quickly as I could when I felt strong enough to continue being the kind of mother I wanted to be.
We each face challenges and trials that sometimes divert us from the motherhood path that we wish and want to take and opening a new door to help us survive this time is alright and even necessary as we try to be the best mothers we can.
What about you ~ what have you changed your mind about in your journey?
What new doors have you had to open?
p.s - you can download this door image for free here.
p.p.s - my kids now use tissues, they mostly look respectable and we no longer eat off the floor!
p.p.s.s - we love Disney!
Loved this!
ReplyDeleteMad me smile and nod vigorously!
I was never going to be the kind of mother who let her children wear gum boots on a 40 degree day or swimmers when it was minus 5.... except I am, and they even wear them out of the house... together.. regardless of the weather!
You are adorable Naomi - I love your honesty!! I too was a perfect mother before I had kids. Just shows you really do have to walk a mile in someones shoes before you judge them :) I managed to keep the train tracks off the firsts pinks nose - but since then it's gone down hill in a big way :)
ReplyDeleteAh...the place where our ideal visions and reality meet, it's often not what we expected but if we're clever and view it with the right perspective, it can be better than we'd hoped for.
ReplyDeletexx Felicity
PS Great post, love the doors. x F
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ReplyDeleteNaomi, you wrote this story well. Many moms like you have the vision of "the perfect little world" the proper little princesses and princes etc.
ReplyDeleteI used to think The Cleavers were just awesome..
I had many of days like you have described in your post. Being a mommy to 5 children (4 adults now) and youngest 11.. and a grandma to two adorable grand kiddies.. t-shirts for nose wiping and the 5 sec rule for food fallen on the ground were things I learned to appreciate at one point or another...
Like you thou, I guess we grew outta those phases :)) Enjoyed your post..
love the honesty Naomi, its so refreshing and stimulating... and boy did I enter motherhood with alot of presumptions and delusions lol... I remember saying things to my husband like, "oh darling Ill be able to your mend your clothes and iron all your jackets etc cause Ill have so much spare time on my hands when Im staying at home with baby..." lolololol ROFL....(*smirks at self*) ... well Im still trying to live it down, all those promises I made, three children ago!
ReplyDeleteI was never going to shout at my children in public, my children were going to eat a variety of different foods and all with enthusiasm and gusto. I was still going to be able to carry on conversations about the latest movies and current affairs and would continue to have regular haircuts and to keep my wardrobe updated! My how times have changed!
ReplyDeleteHa ha! so love your comments. It all looks so easy before you have kids in many ways and I had no idea it was going to be so exhausting and draining.
ReplyDeleteI have had to let many things go that I really thought I would have had time to do and one of the hardest to let go of was just not having the time to take care of myself like I used to.
Very sad, but I love that my kids love me no matter what crazy looking state I am in for the day and so does Matt.
thanks for dropping by
Naomi x
Hi Naomi,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for visiting my blog... WOW Seven cherubs!! I call my kiddies that too, but I only have a mere 2 (plus one on the way!).
I look forward to following your story.
Kate :)
We all have expectations of the kind of mother we will be, yet when we actually become a mother those expectations change, evolve and disintegrate.
ReplyDeleteI've only just started the motherhood journey so the only one I have is:
I was never going to be that mother who was in her pj's all day just because she had a newborn. That went out the day after we came home hahaha.
Great post Naomi. I think we would be very hard pressed to find a mother who is parenting the way she thought she would before kids. What I have come to realise is that many of those little personal parenting ideals (no disney, no junk food before midday, no sitting them in front of the tv etc) are all just that..as long as we keep to the our much wider values and beliefs about the raising of our children ...then all the other stuff will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteWhat a refreshing post...as a mum I have changed and adapted over the years, I too have opened many doors some that took me on an amazing journey and others that I wish I had never opened.
ReplyDeleteI always swore I would never do certain things that my mum did but alas I now know why she did what she did and have followed in her footsteps with certain things :)
Love this post. I had a lot of things that I was never going to do.... never going to let my children eat in the car, never going to have grime and grot on high chairs, couch, etc. the list could go on forever! You've just got to let some things go and hang on to the things that really are important to you... as much as possible anyway...coz even then it's not always easy every single time. We need to forgive ourselves too, for not being the perfect ideal we thought we could be and forgive others for having different ideals to us!
ReplyDeleteemma
P.S. A bit of dirt is goog for the immune system - that's what I always say!
Thank you for applying so much grace to yourself..I think that's shows a lovely balanced character. I'm sure knowing what kind of mother we truly become in reality allows us to apply grace to other mothers too. Let's be honest..it's not an easy job and we all struggle some days and yet we can't have a sickie and stay away we just have to struggle through. Love your posts Naomi!
ReplyDeleteNaomi, you made me laugh out loud! I did all of those things....and STILL do them (sometimes!) as a grandma to 17...only thing I changed was the 5 second rule for dropped food....changed it to 10 seconds by the time baby #5 came along! :)
ReplyDeleteAh the good old '5 second rule' - all well and good at our house, but I still refuse if we're anywhere else!
ReplyDeleteI am such an organised person - before having kids I had this vision of how it would be and how we'd have this great structure and routine and so on. Reality is very different! Having 2 kids 14mths apart really pushed my boundaries, and having had mild PND meant that for my sanity and that of our family, I returned to work when my youngest was only 6 months old rather than staying at home for the years that I planned to. We now have a healthy work/daycare-life balance, but I still get major cases of Mother Guilt and wonder if I'm doing the right thing - certainly wasn't prepared for Mother Guilt before having kids!
Yet another post which hits the mark, Naomi. Thanks for your honesty. Motherhood has taught me so many things I'd never imagined or even contemplated. What a journey we're on! J x
ReplyDeleteI love this post, and your complete honesty! I'd have to agree with you 100% about our idealism before children. Those without them are the best mothers, don't you think?? But I love that you've shared some real mother moments. And I can relate! xx
ReplyDeleteJust what I needed and wanted today. I found you while perusing last weeks post of the week on MMB. I love the way you write! Thank you for starting my morning with a smile.
ReplyDeleteOh, and how is my journey different than I thought it would be? I NEVER thought my kids would sleep in the same bed as my husband and I...but alas, they do :)
I'm SO lovin' this post!!! More people in this world need to have more kids. It just changes perspective completely, doesn't it? I'm betting you and I deal with very similar things everyday.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to think of what I've changed as I've had kids and our numbers have grown, and I'd have to say EVERYTHING. People used to tell me when I had one that I had to choose my battles. My expectations were so high with my first. I have definitely learned flexibility. I still have high expectations, but I have picked and chosen those that were highest priority, so I love that you shared the tissue thing! It definitely struck a chord with me.
To those on the outside, with smaller families, so many just don't get it. Funny. I'm sure they just shake their heads at us. I figure I'm a great excuse for someone to learn tolerance. ;o)
With my first I got a really bad case of baby brain and have suffered a permantent case of amnesia ever since. Hence I don't remember who I was or what I was going to be. Everyday is a constant battle for survival. Jokes. Although one thing is for certain. I forgot how to dance. Tragic.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are enjoying my honesty. Some days I think I am being too honest and worry what others will think! I love to keep it real here and love reading other blogs that share keeping it real posts too! it is what motherhood is all about - it is bitter and it is sweet most days. Thanks for dropping by. N x
ReplyDeleteI think I've learned more about how life is unfair and that's awesome.
ReplyDeleteIt's a long story, but trust me...it's good.
Stopped by from MMB...
I like this. I think it's just a reminder that you can't judge someone til' you've walked in their shoes....
ReplyDeleteEveryone's path in motherhood is SO different. :)
haha this post is so cool. motherhood humbles us but makes us better in every way. I know there are many things that I value more and some things that dont even cross my mind.
ReplyDeleteAlso props on being honest! I love that you speak truth, its empowering and gives us all something real to relate to!
Visiting from MMB.
http://florecitagrowinup.com
Oh, where to start!! LOL! The TV shows I swore my children wouldn't watch, the foods they wouldn't eat... and the list goes on.
ReplyDeleteWell done for being so honest. I think sometimes we'd like to think it's possible to be a perfect parent, but it's not. We do what we can to get through the day! :)
My ideal of motherhood slipped away after only 10 days when I bought dummies for my son - I wasn't anti-dummy for everyone but didn't want my own child having one. Yeah... 10 days.
ReplyDeleteUm, I think I've done everything I swore I wouldn't do when I became a mother! I'm laughing at the snotty nose thing...Sounds like me.
ReplyDeleteI always say, people without kids make the BEST parents.
While I'm not the Mum I thought I would be, I'm proud of the Mum the kids have helped me to become.
My sister-in-law is going through all the things she'll never do when her baby arrives. I'm just smiling and nodding because I remember the sweet bliss of knowing all there was to know about motherhood before I was a mother.
ReplyDeleteMy first daughter was bought into the world by a "perfect" mummy. She would always have a clean face, nose and if she made a mess on her pre-planned outfit, mummy would calmly change it...up to 5 times a day.
ReplyDeleteLess than a year later, mummy became increasingly stressed, anxious and less than two years later, twins arrived.
Perfect mummy died at that moment and was reincarnated as "she'll be right" mummy.
I loathe Barbies....my girls love them. I wanted mini-feminists with a love for gender neutral toys and a high level of social consciousness...My girls want to go to the mall everyday and have a hunger for more pink, frills and anything princessy.
Ugh, what can you do but roll with it!! ~Kirri