I am a stay at home mum. I have been for 12 years now. I have days where I love it and days where it drives me insane. It was an easy decision for me to make to stay at home. It was something I always wanted to do. It was not easy learning to rely on one small income or finding ways to fill up my time.
I have gone through stages where I have spent months in my home, rarely leaving or visiting with others. I have also had stages where I have been involved in many different activities and groups and felt like I have rarely been at home. No matter what stage I have been in, I have always loved spending time with my cherubs and loved that I could be there for them when they needed me.
I know not everyone has this opportunity or even wants to be at home but I am interested. For those of you who are mothers:
What stage are you at in your life?
Are you a stay at home mum that actually stays at home most days? OR
Are you out most days busy and involved and connecting with others?
You know, when I was younger, I wanted to be just like you. I imagined myself with a whole brood of kids, at home and loving it.
ReplyDeleteThen I had my first child. Well, actually, it wasn't his fault, it was my bad choice of partner. He wasn't someone who was able to support me, other than financially.
I've done it all, I've been a full time SAHM, a full time working mum, a part time working mum, and now I am a part time SAHM, trying to get some sort of self-employment happening.
I'm most comfortable when I can do a bit of everything. I want to have my cake and eat it too.
However, I am envious of mums who love being at home with their kids. I guess it's an expectation I had of myself and I feel like I failed. I wonder if I would have enjoyed it more under a different set of circumstances?
I was a SAHM for 2 years and had my two kids in that time. While I would have loved to have stayed home longer, I needed to return to work for financial reasons - we were going backwards fast and had already lost our house due to me not being able to get work in time.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was at home I had a balance of 'at home' and 'out and about'. We had our days where we'd stay at home and have fun together (or just try and get some sleep after bad nights) and we'd have other days where we were out with our mothers group, just walking around the neighbourhood, or heading out to the shops.
I loved that time and don't regret taking it even though it did set us back financially quite a bit. We now have a good balance of work/daycare and home and make the most of the time that we do have. My husband and I stagger our work hours so I go to work early and am able to leave early to pick the kids up from daycare, and my husband starts work late so the kids are able to spend more time with him of a morning.
I believe that no matter what choice you make, whether it be full time SAHM, part time SAHM or working full time, you need to have balance in your life that works for you. :)
Hi Naomi!
ReplyDeleteI decided from a very young age (like early teens) that I was going to be a wife and a mother. The SAHM thing wasn't even a question... it was a given.
My parents had their own business, so I was put into family day care at 6 weeks old. I don't remember this time, however once I got to school, I remember always being the last child(ren, with my brother) to be picked up from after-school care.
I guess this is a big factor into my decision to be a full-time SAHM. I HATED being at after school care, I was always at holiday care (which was ok as they sent us to a PCYC holiday care who did some fantastic activities with us!) and in highschool, I was home hours before my parents and in all honestly, I... um... blame (with lack of a better word) them for not doing well in school. They didn't have any involvement in my schooling... not from a day-to-day point. I don't EVER remember my parents helping me with my homework... ever! :(
Anyway, back to your questions...
What stage are you at in your life? Mother stage. I have been married for over 10 years, and a SAHM since I was 37 weeks pregnant with our first 8 years ago.
Most days I stay at home. With 3 of my five under the age of 4, and therefore still at home, I have to be home for naptimes and routines. That said, we do the school drop off and pick up together, and 3 out of 5 afternoons we have some activity that we are off too (Ballet, sports etc).
I am very very blessed to be able to stay at home. Our plan is for me to go back to work when our youngest starts school - and that is to help pay for all the extra activities we wish our children to be involved in. I don't care what I do for work, however I DO know that I will ONLY work during school hours. I will not take a job unless I can always drop off and pick up from school, and it needs to be flexible enough that I can take time off for sports carnivals etc.
So love your comments - thanks for sharing ladies.
ReplyDeleteDorothy - you know I have often wondered the same thing with many parts of my life - I wonder if....and even though I am one who loves to have a great ponder I have found that it really doesn't bring me much happiness thinking about it. I love that you have been flexible and tried it all - you are amazing and I love that you are focusing on your children and also seeking a balance of family and work. I sure don't think you are a failure in any way - how awesome that you have been helping to care for your family and know what makes you comfortable.
Mel - It always amazes me how much finances really plays a role in our lives. How it can sometimes determine what type of mother you are going to be and how much time you have to be available to your children. I love that even though it was difficult you treasured your time with your cherubs and have a great work balance happening with your husband. I so agree that seeking a balance is key no matter your circumstance.
Danielle - I can see there is a lot of emotion behind your decision to stay at home. The choice was clear for you from your own personal experiences. I just have to say that my kids are the total opposite - they are begging me to be put in after school care - they don't want me to pick them up every day after school - crazy kids! I pretty much have the same plan as you - that if I go to work that I would do it in school hours. That is the plan but it may change if I have to help pay for 5 kids with braces or something crazy like that!!!
naomi x
I'm a Full Time (Home Schooling) Stay At Home Mum for the past 5 years to 4 beautiful yet challenging children.
ReplyDeleteI am right in the thick of things at this stage. 5 yr old, 3 yr old, 20mth old and a week old babe.
I don't go out much but will be attempting at taking the children to various functions (kindy gym, library etc)
I love what I get the chance to do - just wish I had more support from my husband when I need it.
I am halfway through my maternity leave and the thought of returning to work makes me really sad - even though it will only be part time. Unfortunately I earn more on my 3 days than hubby does on his full week - he works outdoors and he doesn't get paid if he doesn't work so rainy days are dreaded.
ReplyDeleteI rarely leave the house, although occasionally I decide to take the girls out for some fresh air. I'm sure it will be different when they're older but they're only 18 months (Annabelle) and ten weeks (Evelyn) so they don't exactly have any hobbies yet.
I am trying to find a part time job closer to home as the idea of commuting 4 hours a day, which is what I was doing prior to taking maternity leave, is not something I'm willing to do with 2 small children.
Hubby took over the cooking when Annabelle was born and he also does her evening bath and a fair share of the housework so I'm lucky that he is so supportive.
I just wish I could stay home full time.
I am a full-time SAHM, but I also work part-time with our family business. My kids are 5, 4 and 2. The hardest part is when I have to work, but the kids need my attention. We are at home most of the time, going out to food shop or the occasional play date. We are also going to homeschool next year, so we should be busier with groups and going out. I feel like I have passed my "hard" part. I really struggled when my oldest two were little and I was pregnant with my third. I had serious health issues and struggled taking care of everyone. Even though my kids are still young, it gets so much easier as they get older!
ReplyDeleteI do actually stay at home most days. We have one car and my husband uses it to go to school/work (he's working on a phd). Some days he is out of town working at a hospital, so we don't have the option of dropping him off to have the car.
ReplyDeleteI am at that awkward stage. All my kids are in school, but I'm still at home.
ReplyDeleteI thought I would go back to work at this point, but I find myself still at home and loving it.
I'm fortunate to have a husband who supports me in staying at home and doing what I love: being here for the kids when they get home and writing.
I used to be an editor, but my true love is writing.
I love being at home when the 15, 12, and 9 year old get home. They are more needy at this phase of life than I thought they ever could be and it makes me happy just hanging out with them and helping them accomplish all the things they want to do in school, sports, and music.
That being said, it doesn't mean that some days I wouldn't rather be at work. They can drive me crazy, but I know that very soon they will be all grown up and I will miss these days.
Being a mom with teenagers, I have been in both places. Working outside of the home and staying at home. Sometimes when I'm doing one thing, I wish I could be doing the other thing. This past year, I've tried to be happy in the spot I'm in right now. :)
ReplyDeleteI chose to be a stay at home mum, and like you, I love it.... but at other times find it to be the hardest thing ever!
ReplyDeleteI greatly admire single mothers or those who don't have the option of staying home with their young children when they would like that opportunity.
I think if we're doing what's right for our individual circumstances and family than other things will be taken care of.
I also think getting the balance right is a huge thing- something I often struggle with! But, I'm learning we need to fill our own cup in order to be most effective as mothers and to those we love the most.
I have done a few different things in the past eight years whilst raising our girls. When my first was one, I bought a business (silly idea but necessary for everybody involved). It lasted a year and I sold it.
ReplyDeleteThen I went to work part time, fell pregnant with number two and went into partnership with a friend. All went well but it got too hard when my second started moving so I sold my share and resolved to be happy and embrace the fact that we could afford for me to stay at home.
Since then I have been a stay at home mum turned work at home mum. I have been lucky to find a business for myself with typing but keeping that balance can be difficult. Sometimes I want to take on all the work that is offered and feel guilty when I have to say no and then there are those times when I take on work and feel guilty for being in the office.
It is getting easier (and better) and I'm pretty happy with the balance I've got at the moment. My husband always wanted me to be able to do school drop offs and pickups. He wanted one of us here to do those things. I had never thought about it but it seems I have to be doing something else. Ideally, here. I would need to be the breadwinner and DH would happily stay home every day. The only problem with that is I actually like being able to pick and choose what I do each day. LOL
I like Lesa's comment. It is so true. Just try and be happy in the spot you're in right now. I think that sums it up beautifully.
What timing, Naomi. Yesterday I resigned after 16 years as a journo. It's incredibly exciting, but also terrifying at the same time!
ReplyDeleteMy reason was because I want to spend more time focusing on my three year old and five month old. I can have a career anytime, but I can never get back these years with my girls.
Having worked 2-3 days a week prior to going on maternity leave, I tended to stay home quite a lot. But I wonder if this will change now I don't have that regular ``outing to work''. Will be interesting to see.
Wow! thanks so much for your updates on motherhood.
ReplyDeleteAmy - you really are in the thick of things - super busy with your young cherubs and homeschooling - I take my hat off to you - I don't know how you do it!
Carolyn - you cherubs are still really young and I love that you are trying to work out a better option for your family. You have their best interest at heart and that is the most important. Good luck finding something closer.
Susan - I think it is great that you can still be at home and help out with the business. No matter what you do it is always hard when kids need your attention. They need it all the time! Love that you are feeling that things are getting easier.
Heather - I can so relate to you. We had one car for a couple of years and I was home all the time. In a way it was lovely but in another way it drove me crazy because I felt trapped some days. Lucky you have the internet to connect with other mothers these days and I hope you can have some friends come visit YOU instead of you visiting them.
Ria - I love what you have shared. I will be heading into that stage soon and I agree that my older kids need me a lot now that they are in high school. They need help with homework and love having me to chat to about different things.
Leesa - I think most of always want the opposite to what we are doing. I so love that you are trying to be happy where you are right now.
Aimee - Awesome thoughts. I sometimes feel too tired to fill my own cup and that is when things fall apart. If I could get a better balance though I would not have that problem :)
Naomi x
My eldest is 3 1/2 now and i have a 1 year old and i think over the past 3 1/2 years I have been home for maybe 10 whole days in total!!!! I launched my first business when my youngest was 6 weeks old and now i have two businesses and deliver training in business one day a week and generally always have at least one of my kids with me...........i think i am addicted to activity and I find I always have something organised!!!
ReplyDeleteI have been a sahm for 18 years now and there is nothing I would rather do...having said that I too have had days that were harder than others. Our days go in waves where we might be home for days on end, either alone or entertaining friends and then periods where things are pretty full on and we are out alot. I like the balance of both...helps maintain the sanity :)
ReplyDelete