Monday, October 10, 2011

a lonely mother


I am a mother to many children and happily married.

But often I feel like a lonely mother. That I am on this journey alone
That it is me facing the world and battling with everything in my path all by myself

Even though I am surrounded by children, even though I am married, even though I have many facebook friends, even though I have many followers on my blog, on twitter and on my Seven Cherubs facebook page.

Even though I see other women at church every weekend and at other activities I attend during the week. Even though I am friendly and chat to new people I meet, I still feel lonely.

I start to feel incredibly lonely when my phone never rings. When I do not get visits from anyone and when I cannot remember the last time someone really asked me how I am going.

I mean really asked me how I am going.

I had a good ponder about this the other day.

I have many friends and aquaintances but I don't feel like I have real friends.

Not what I would call a good friend, who is there to listen to me no matter what, who regularly calls me to chat, whose house I can go to if I need help, who I know I could ask for help and would come right away.

I have women who I just adore and want to have a great friendship with but it never seems to work out. I love the friends and acquaintances I do have but I guess I am craving a real, girly, best friend type of relationship.

In some ways I feel hurt, I feel rejected and I feel at a loss of what I can do better. I remember one lady that I suggested catching up with some time saying, 'I always make time to see the people I want to see and have in my life,' and then watched her visit and become friends with many others around me but not with me. I had no answer to what I could possibly do to become friends with her and just left it at that.

Having a family of many children is hard work and I believe that most people think I am some type of supermum - who can just handle it all. Almost like I have no feelings, almost like: Yes, Naomi...she will be fine, she can cope with anything!

I know there are many women who are living a far more lonely life than me, who are doing it tough and are battling as a mother every single day to be strong and to move forward. I so admire and respect and believe they are doing the hardest work ever. Some of you may even think I need to grow up, to get over it, to stop winging and to just get on with my life, to be realistic and that I am too demanding.

I am not trying to put down those who are really doing it alone, I am just sharing that you know what...even though you can be surrounded by loved ones and have a full life: you can feel so lonely some days, you can hurt and you can feel rejected.

After pondering this I can see that I have not been that kind of friend either. I am always too busy, I am always having to cancel events I get invited to as I normally end up having at least one sick child the day it is on, I am always thinking no-one would want to talk to me or would want to be interested in what I have to say and I have too many children to trade with: a swap of 1 or 2 for 5 or 7 is just not the same! I think for some women, I am a too hard basket to deal with.

So where do I go from here. Nowhere probably.

I will keep living my life that is busy and full...where I do feel incredibly happy and blessed.
Where I do feel loved and supported but also lonely and rejected some days.

Having a large family today is taking a path that is less travelled.
Being a stay at home mum today is a becoming a path less travelled.

It can be a lonely work, a hard work and a demanding work.
Friendships with other women can bring a brightness and sunshine to your life.

I know I am not alone in feeling this way. I think it is a female thing.
We need that kind of relationship, that kind of friendship.

We need that closeness to know we are not alone, that we can make it each day and we need someone to talk to about our worries, our burdens and our joys with raising children.

I just think it is so hard to find. Great friends are special treasures.
If you are able to find a great friend in life you are truly blessed.

I have not given up hope, I am not moping around my house letting myself get depressed about it, I still believe I have plenty of time left to develop these types of relationship in my life and I love it when I can see that type of friendship starting to blossom. I just need to make the time to work on nurturing it.

What have you found in your life? 
Do you feel lonely and do you crave this type of girly friendship?

Matt says that now that I have posted this I will have everyone saying to me:
 'How are you really going Naomi??" Haha!