Thursday, January 12, 2012

some days I look in the mirror and fail to see any good


Some days I wake up and look in the mirror and fail to see any good.

As soon as I sit up in bed to greet the morning, the mind games begin, immediately crushing my desire to have a good day.

I shake my head, tell myself today is going to be a good day, it is a fresh start and get out of bed.

I shower, get myself ready and as I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I wince.

I lean closer to the mirror, look deep into my own eyes and fail to see the good.

I know I am loved, I know I am of worth but I fail to feel it.

I hang my head and try to stop the tears.

In my mind I start to remember all of the mistakes I have made.

My mind is in a fog, it can only see the bitter and not the sweet.

I get myself dressed and I wear an outfit that helps me to feel happy.

I add a piece of jewellery to make me smile.

Necklaces are my favourite.

When I look down, they are the first thing I see.

I go out to help my cherubs with breakfast, I look at them and my heart melts.

I tell them they are wonderful, they are gorgeous, they are brilliant and can do whatever they desire.

My HEAD tells me to not even try, I am a failure and I am ugly.

My HEART tells me to give it a try, I am good and I am beautiful.

Such is life with depression. It is real.

It is a battle with the heart and the mind.

It is a cycle that continues to rotate, day after day.

Always the same thoughts, always the same feelings.

Bitter with no sweet.

Just when you feel like you are taking two steps forward you end up taking three steps back.

Now I know some of you might look at my picture above and think, 'How can you not see any good?'.

Depression can affect anyone regardless of their situation in life and regardless of what they look like.

The fog clouds your mind, it affects your thinking, it affects your outlook on life and especially your outlook on yourself.

It affects your mothering and it affects your relationships.

Seeking help and support is one of the key factors to progress and healing.

If you are feeling depressed and failing to see any good in yourself, I recommend seeking professional help and at least spending some time over at beyondblue to acquaint yourself with the signs and symptoms of depression.

Click on the depression tab on the left of the website and get started on the road to helping yourself.

This year on my blog I am going to write about depression, mixed with my happiness posts.

I want to share with you some of the experiences I have had and some of the ways I have helped myself to feel better.

I am not a professional, I am a stay at home mum with a bunch of cherubs who I adore like crazy.

I am generally very happy with my life.

I adore my husband and children and the wonderful opportunities that come my way.

I still have days where I battle depression. I still fight it.

I fight it hard. I will not give up.

I am determined to win it for good.

I have hope.

I believe it is possible to overcome and that is why I am a seeker of happiness.

{P.S: I wrote this post to share and to connect. I wrote this post to hopefully help others who may be feeling this way. To let them know they are not alone. I did not write this post to get praise.}