improving self esteem as a mother

Since becoming a mother, I have had a roller coaster ride in relation to my self esteem. I have had moments where I felt like I had achieved a balance and had a healthy self esteem and moments where I was my own worst enemy, daily tearing my self esteem to shreds.

When my self esteem was at my lowest I saw that I had become so immersed in my mothering role that my identity and self worth had solely become connected to the behaviour and actions of my children.

When they were good, I felt good and when they misbehaved (which was all the time!), I felt like a failure and a bad mother. As a mother to seven children someone in my home is always misbehaving in relation to something!

I realised that to have a healthy self esteem I needed to quickly work out a new plan and strategy to protect myself or I was destined to spend the rest of my life miserable!

So with that in mind I have decided to have a 'Self Esteem Week' here on Seven Cherubs and to share my 5 tips for keeping and improving a healthy self esteem as a mother.

Originally when I wrote this post I was a little surprised at how long it ended up being at the end and that I had so much to say about this topic. I felt it would be too long for mothers to read during their day and have decided to break it up into 5 days of posts so you can have a quick read and hopefully put some of these tips into practise as you go about your day looking after your cherubs.

I also hope that it will help you feel a little better about yourself in the process and that it might get you thinking about how your own self esteem is going on your mothering journey.

So here is number 1:

Do not take words/comments personally.
As a mother I have been on the receiving end of some interesting comments from strangers and also from my children. When this happens I try really hard not to take it personally so that it does not affect my self esteem. Most of the unkind comments I have received from my children, I know they did not really mean.

{Anyone else had a lovely, sweet four year old daughter who magically changes into a smart mouthed, snooty child that you have no idea where she picked up her new comments from?}

At the time they did not understand what they were really saying as they are young children, and often repeated a comment they had heard from somewhere else. Hello! Children's television shows that seem to be getting worse and worse! My children had no idea of the hurt that they may have caused to me and looking at it from this perspective has helped me to let go and move on.

This is however very hard to do when you are feeling tired, frustrated and overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and duties that being a mother can bring. When you are at your wits end and your precious cherub, who you love dearly, looks at you and says, 'I hate you mummy' and then storms off to their room. It can take all of your strength to not take the comment personally and to fall in a heap over it.

Children have no idea that you may be holding on by a thread that day and that the smart little remark they just made, snapped that last piece of thread you were holding onto so that you hit the ground hard with a thud! Keeping in mind that children are not adults and do not see what we see really helps me to separate myself from words or comments that may hurt my self esteem and to pick myself up from off that hard, cold floor.

By keeping this tip in mind I am able to keep my self confidence as a mother and see the bigger picture of parenting. I simply can't expect my children to speak maturely to me at all times, they are growing and learning and will say things they really don't mean. They are children, not adults and the more I learn not to take what they say personally the happier I feel as a mother.

{This however does not apply to all the wonderful positive comments they give me - I totally take all of those personally!}

Do you take all comments from your children personally?

How do you deal with mean comments your children may say?