Tuesday, April 17, 2012

post natal depression and my love of clouds


I have shared a little of my journey with post natal depression here on my blog in the past and how it felt like I was living each day with my head in a cloud or a fog. During this time I found each day difficult to endure as I struggled to make decisions and to see clearly any good in my life. 

Every day I felt like I was living my life in the dark, that a storm was raging in my mind and that my vision of how I saw myself and my family was clouded. It was a horrible, challenging time in my life. I sought help, worked hard and was finally able to clear my mind from the dark clouds that overshadowed me.

Last week as we went on a family holiday, I sat on a gorgeous beach with the sun shining down upon me. As I sat watching my cherubs play in the water, I had a moment of clarity. 

You see for the last couple of years I have secretly been obsessed with clouds. I love to look at them, to see the different formations and shapes they create and to study the variety of textures and colours they contain. I constantly find myself being drawn towards them and have a good collection of images that I have taken of them on my camera.

As I sat on that beach it hit me why I love them so much. 

So often during that difficult struggle with post natal depression I found myself looking down, feeling down and raging inside of myself. Storming.

Now I feel so much lighter, I feel free and I love to look upwards. I enjoy turning my face towards the sky and smiling at the clouds. I love to feel the sun's warmth on my face and to see the white, fluffy clouds scattered through the sky. 

I had no idea that over the past couple of years that I was drawn to clouds so much as they reminded me of how far I have come and how much I have changed. So many days I felt I would never get better, that I would always have a storm raging inside of me and that I would always battle my own mind.

Now I feel completely different and at peace. I feel light and happy. I have days where I feel like I am floating even and my mind is clear. It has been an amazing journey and I love that clouds remind me that with hard work anything is possible.


Standing amongst the clouds on top of Mount Wellington, Tasmania.

P.S: If you could help this sweet cherub it would be great appreciated.
He recently suffered severe burns and any donation will make a huge difference.
Thank you xx

12 comments:

  1. Beautiful imagery Naomi....not just the clouds but the journey you have described. A brave journey Im sure x

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  2. I suffered PND 3 times. It always felt like I'd been raised from the dead when I was able to come out the other side.
    xo
    H

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  3. HI Naomi

    I know EXACTLY what you mean, isn't a freeing feeling to be out of the fog/blur...it is like starting all over again..and seeing everything through different eyes.x

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  4. Gorgeous. I think any of us who have been through PND can relate.

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  5. Loving seeing you atop our Mountain, Naomi. And kudos to you again, darling girl, for elucidating what so many of have felt and/or feel. J x

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  6. Oh lovey, I have a very similar story... In fact, three weeks ago I couldn't work out why my neck was so sore. Then I realised it was time to start looking UP again, I had spent so much time looking down and looking at my shoes that I had over strained muscles! It was a good reminder to start taking more care of myself again - early sunlight, walking, more sleep and resting. After having some holidays and letting myself REST, I am feeling sooooo much better!

    What a lovely post. So pleased you are feeling so free. Amazing feeling!

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  7. My sister had PND she nearly died so I hope that the more we talk about it the quicker we can see the signs and get help.

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  8. Thank you again for a wonderful blog. There is always something I relate to.

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  9. Thanks for sharing that. I too went through Post Natal Depression which was not fun. I think the more people talk about it, the easier it becomes for other to talk about it. It somehow demystifies it. I don't think anyone that hasn't gone through it can truly understand.

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  10. I too have been through PND - though my belief is once you have had it, it just won't go away completely..I still have days where I need a Mental Health day and everyone knows just to leave me alone and do what ever it is I need to do..(and the Loopy Pills help too...) I think it is a wonderful thing that talk about PND is becoming more and more open and honest -thanks for sharing you story...

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  11. I am currently in the throws of PND. I have been suffering major depression and anxiety for 6mths now and reading your blog gives me hope that i may one day come out of this and see happy days again.

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  12. I found myself (back in April) lying on the beach just looking above at the clouds while my girls played with crabs on the beach. I lay on the sand, the sun warming my body. I could of laid there forever just looking at the formations of clouds and wondering...what the future had in store for me. Clouds are so mesmerizing...I just didn't want to leave. Maybe it is the feeling of contentedness or the sun's powerful rays of health. Sun, salt and fresh air makes all the difference...as they say...every cloud has a silver lining.

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