Tuesday, April 17, 2012

post natal depression and my love of clouds


I have shared a little of my journey with post natal depression here on my blog in the past and how it felt like I was living each day with my head in a cloud or a fog. During this time I found each day difficult to endure as I struggled to make decisions and to see clearly any good in my life. 

Every day I felt like I was living my life in the dark, that a storm was raging in my mind and that my vision of how I saw myself and my family was clouded. It was a horrible, challenging time in my life. I sought help, worked hard and was finally able to clear my mind from the dark clouds that overshadowed me.

Last week as we went on a family holiday, I sat on a gorgeous beach with the sun shining down upon me. As I sat watching my cherubs play in the water, I had a moment of clarity. 

You see for the last couple of years I have secretly been obsessed with clouds. I love to look at them, to see the different formations and shapes they create and to study the variety of textures and colours they contain. I constantly find myself being drawn towards them and have a good collection of images that I have taken of them on my camera.

As I sat on that beach it hit me why I love them so much. 

So often during that difficult struggle with post natal depression I found myself looking down, feeling down and raging inside of myself. Storming.

Now I feel so much lighter, I feel free and I love to look upwards. I enjoy turning my face towards the sky and smiling at the clouds. I love to feel the sun's warmth on my face and to see the white, fluffy clouds scattered through the sky. 

I had no idea that over the past couple of years that I was drawn to clouds so much as they reminded me of how far I have come and how much I have changed. So many days I felt I would never get better, that I would always have a storm raging inside of me and that I would always battle my own mind.

Now I feel completely different and at peace. I feel light and happy. I have days where I feel like I am floating even and my mind is clear. It has been an amazing journey and I love that clouds remind me that with hard work anything is possible.


Standing amongst the clouds on top of Mount Wellington, Tasmania.

P.S: If you could help this sweet cherub it would be great appreciated.
He recently suffered severe burns and any donation will make a huge difference.
Thank you xx