Running with cherubs and angels: Half way mark

I have a love/hate relationship with running. I love that is helps me feel better, feel fitter and feel emotionally happier. I hate that it requires so much mental, emotional and physical exhaustion to accomplish it. I also hate that running makes that statement: No Pain, No gain true. Running for cherubs and angels is the only way that I can keep going and I really appreciate all the support I have received so far on my running journey.

As most of you know I am working on a personal goal of mine to run 10k. Now that I have achieved the first goal of being able to run 5K I am working on the big goal of making it to 10K. I knew it would be hard but I am finding it a lot harder than I thought. 10K is a really, really long way. It requires a tough mental attitude and a good breathing technique. Both skills I am yet to achieve.

So to help me get to the end I have come up with a plan to help motivate me and to help raise awareness at the same time. You see, I always wanted to have 10 kids and have finished having my children at the number 7. I have decided to let the 10K represent 10 cherubs. The first 7 for each of my kids and the last 3 for those mothers who have lost children and who have angels in heaven. 

The reason for this is that I really think that if I push myself I can run 7K. The last 3K I simply don't think I have it in me to make it myself. To make the distance I need to do it for someone else. I need that to motivate me to finish. Therefore, the first 7 will be for cherubs and the last 3 will be for angels.

Sadly, I know many women who have lost precious cherubs. I personally do not know what that experience is like nor do I profess to offer any advice or wisdom on how to endure such a challenge. What these lovely women tell me is that not one day goes by without them thinking of those children who are not with them. That their heart's ache and there is a hole, a gap, a piece missing from their lives and the loss is simply too much to carry some days. 

It hurts and the pain consumes you. The grieving takes a lifetime. They are never forgotten.

Last week I hit the half way mark with my running program, Week 5. The first 5 weeks have been a challenge but I have been able to accomplish them because I had already done the Couch to 5K and have ran 5K several times before. It works out about the same distance I am covering on the Couch to 10K program with my running.

I have been pondering over reaching the half way mark and that I am going to need some extra motivation to get through the next 5 weeks. I know the last 5 weeks for me are going to be hard. I will be running now further than 5K and the distance between breaks becomes longer. Instead of running 8 or 9 minutes at a time with a one minute break I need to step it up to 15 minutes and more before a break. 

Unfortunately, during the week I received some new motivation. It was not the motivation I was looking for or wanted. During the week a pregnant family member lost her sweet cherub. A little girl. I have not yet been able to bring myself to offer any words of love or support. Every time I think about it I get teary, I start to sob. They know I am thinking about them and care about them and I know it is really selfish to stay silent but I simply do not know what to say. I always struggle as I feel like 'I am so, so sorry' just does not sound right or good enough. 

So for the next 5 weeks I will be shedding some extra tears on my treadmill as I push myself to finish the Couch to 10K program. I will be thinking of those women who have no choice in the pain that they need to endure and of the loss that they are facing. I will count my blessings and run until my legs burn so that I can continue to write about running and raise more awareness for women who do need our love and support and I will get my act together and show some more myself.

One organisation that I know has been of great help to those who have lost cherubs is Heartfelt. 

{Heartfelt is a volunteer organisation of professional photographers from all over Australia dedicated to giving the gift of photographic memories to families that have experienced stillbirths, premature and ill infants and children in the Neonatal Intensive Care Units of their local hospitals, as well as children with serious and terminal illnesses. Heartfelt is dedicated to providing this gift to families in a caring, compassionate manner. All services are provided free of charge.} 

Another non-profit organisation I know provides great support is Yasminah's Gift of Hope.

{Yasminah's Gift Of Hope offers Hope, Light, Love and Happiness to families who experience the miscarriage, premature birth, neonatal loss, stillbirth or infant loss of their child or diagnosis of a congenital abnormality during pregnancy with early ongoing support and understanding. Yasminah's Gift Of Hope Journals are a very special keepsake that allows families to keep ultrasound images, photos, cot cards, arm bands, and foot and hand prints as a cherished keepsake of a precious life. Each journal contains a special page that the family can fill in about details of their child like name, date of birth, place of birth and details of the funeral or memorial service if their child has passed away. We encourage families to write about their journey.}

Until next week...bring on that treadmill and bring on the pain.