Tuesday, May 15, 2012

When is Enough, Enough?

As a woman I find myself asking more and more: 
When is Enough, Enough?

Today is one of those days where I want to scream out loud....ENOUGH!! Not to anyone I know, not to any single person or any group or association but to myself. To wake myself up, to slap myself around and to just tell myself to let it all go. 

As a stay at home mum I find I often feel dissatisfied with what I have accomplished during my day as there is always so much more to do. At the end of each day my to do list seems never ending: the housework, the homework, the washing, the bills, the emails, the sorting, the de-cluttering, the affection, the attention, the school notes and the gardening are all tasks that never seem to end.

I fall into bed asking myself if I did enough during my day. 

I spend my days rushing from one event or one experience to another hoping I have everything we need, hoping that my cherubs know that we love them and hoping that I have done enough around my house to keep it in order through the whole process.

When I leave the house I ask myself if I have done enough to be able to relax and enjoy where I am going.

I work hard and through it all hope that my cherubs feel that I am pulling off this parenting gig in a good way. I have days where I feel worn out. Downright tired even. I get to the stage where I can't go any further, I can't do one more task no matter how much I push myself and I know it is time to rest and to listen to my body.

I feel exhausted but still ask myself if I have done enough.

There is always so much happening in our house and I try to keep up with it all the best I can. Just like any other woman or mother would do who has a family or who works or does both. I try to run an organised home and battle with the pressure I place upon myself.

I start to see that you can never do enough. 

I start to question my version or vision of ideal. I have become so busy that I no longer determine when the time has come to stop, to rest and to let the to do list go. I shift my focus and determine my own self acceptance of what enough means. Enough at the end of each day becomes not too little yet not too much.

I start to wonder why I was waiting for someone to tell me when enough, is enough.

My version of enough = a sleep deprived, unhappy woman who spends her time pleasing others and trying to reach a level of living where she forgets who she is. So I start to say No, I start to cut back and I start to allow myself to rest. I create a new version of what enough looks like.

I start to tell myself at the end of each day that I have done enough. 

Deciding when enough is enough each day is a personal decision and a difficult one as each day is unique. Some days we need to do more and others we can pull back. Knowing when to stop and when to say, 'you know what, that is enough!' will help give us a healthy rest/work balance in our lives. I am becoming better at seeking that balance and am becoming more satisfied with what I have accomplished during my day. It is not perfect but it is enough.

How do you determine when enough, is enough?
Do you push yourself to your limits or are you good at knowing when to stop?

10 comments:

  1. I am so glad you are learning to think of you as that is so very important for a happy life.
    I have never felt I have done enough as a'mum'and I only have one,who is now an older teen and giving me heartache,which makes way for much doubt,like did I do enough.
    You do far more for your family than any other mother I have ever known and you are a model I look up to so please never ever doubt yourself.
    To me you are a hero and your blog teaches others what is important in life...family.
    When your children come to you to comfort their sadness or share their happy moments you know you have done enough.They feel a safe place of love you created.How wonderful is that.
    Thankyou for all the lessons you have taught me and no doubt will continue to do so.
    You are not only a wonderful mum but a beautiful human being xx

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  2. This is something I often ask myself being at home I always feel I have done enough if the house is clean with no dishes and lounge room tidy and laundry done but I find its harder to keep on top of all these things with my little boy who is 10mths always needing my attention. When you are at work you can just get stuck into the paper work and get it done and you are able to see your daily accomplishment. Where as house work you may have got it cleaned but no sooner have you finished then the kids are home messing it up again which can feel so deflating. Most mums I know feel the same way if only I could have a rosey from the Jetsons then my life would be bliss. Thanks for a great read always nice to know that other mums are going through the same thing.

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  3. Oh Naomi, I felt like I was reading my exact thoughts! I feel the same way, and am looking for continual balance. Mothering is a never ending task and I often think I don't do it well enough. Especially when I work too. So glad to know tha full time mums feel the same. These days I'm coming to the conclusion that if I eat right, sleep right, have time for god and a little time for myself, I have found the right balance. Great post!

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  4. If I can do the clothes washing, get school finished, delegate other important stuff, and potter around with other things, I think that is enough. I go to bed tired. So that tells me the day was sufficient unto itself. :o)

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  5. You read my mind, great post. I am forever thinking I haven't done enough, despite the 5 loads of washing and the gardening and school and preschool jobs. I keep telling myself it's enough, but am yet to find the balance I need.

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  6. I can relate Naomi! I try to balance between kids, relationship and me because I find sometimes as a mum you are last on the to do list.

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  7. Ah Naomi you are ever wise. I think us women can only figure out what 'enough' is AFTER we have pushed ourselves to edge of oblivion!! Why is that?!

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  8. Really thought provoking post. I like the way you've touched on how having an organised house is important- a lot of these type of 'Happy Mum' posts is about forgetting the house all together. Having a happy home is in part having a clean and organised home- my kids deserve that. Now just to figure out how to make it all balance!

    I really needed this today, thanks.

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  9. You know my thoughts on this, Gorgeous. Thanks for sharing and reminding us we're not alone in feeling like this. J x

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  10. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said,it's never enough. Sometimes you just need a little "me" time. I have two of my sisters that live near me and we make time for that together. Now that my kids are all in school I have from 8am to 2:15pm of me time. It's great! I do throw some laundry in and go grocery shopping during that time also. When they get home from school it's back to fulfilling their needs though.

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Thank you for your thoughts...Naomi x