Over dinner recently one of my cherubs asked me, "Mum....do you have a favourite child?".
Growing up in a large family I think it is easy to feel left out, unloved at times and forgotten from your parents. Matt and I work really hard at trying to show a healthy amount of love and affection to our children and to make time for them in our busy lives. I have seen and heard in many families that the baby of the family is often the favourite child as they appear to be loved the most and the most spoilt. Sure our Liberty is loved and spoilt according to my older children but we love all of our other children just as much and I have a soft spot for them all in different ways.
So to answer the question this is what happened:
I rested my chin on my hands and replied, "Hmmm....Let me think about that for a minute....Why, yes I think I do. I do have a few favourites in this family. Let me tell you who they are...
Harmony is my favourite because she is so kind and helpful
Nathan is my favourite to talk to about books and reading
Liahona is my favourite to dance with around the house
Eli is my favourite to give hugs to because he hugs me back
Libby is my favourite because she gives me massages
Sam is my favourite because he makes me laugh because he is so cheeky
{As I was rattling off this list my kids were all smiling as they were enjoying the wonderful things I was saying about them so I then decided to have a little fun}
and Chelsea...well she is just my all time favourite child!"
My kids all then looked at me, their mouths fell open, several of them folded their arms and frowned and then they turned to look at Chelsea who was loving the extra attention and was laughing her head off! Then we were all laughing as they knew I was having fun with them.
I once again explained to them that I love them all so, so much and that I really don't have a favourite child but they are all my favourite for different reasons. They are all different and unique and individual people. I love to do different activities with them and just because I love to do those different activities with them it does not mean any of them are better than anyone else. I love them for who they are and I love them because they are mine.
Sure I have days where I feel happier towards a certain child because of how they are behaving but behaviour has nothing to do with love. Love is unconditional no matter how they behave. My kids know that no matter what they do or say I will always love them. I might not feel happy with the behaviour that they are showing but I will always love them. Teaching children that difference is a valuable lesson to help them feel better about themselves as well. I believe it really helps their self esteem to know they are loved no matter what.
We have 4 and find it a challenge every day to meet their needs. I can see how easily children could slip from time to time to thinking about favourites. Lovely reflections.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous as always Naomi. My kids have asked me this too and I also told them that whilst there may be times when I like being around one more than another (again usually a reflection of a behaviour), my love for them will always be unconditional and I could never ever say that I loved one more than the other. You are right that it is so important to not just say this but make sure it comes across in our actions. I have counselled some kids who feel they are less loved than a sibling and when this is brought up with a parent they can be made to see how some of their actions may allow this message to seep through whether they felt it or not.
ReplyDeleteThat's really beautiful, and great advice too. I love the way you answered that question xx
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful There is a book, I love you the purplest! Such a cute book about the same thing!
ReplyDeleteI love this Naomi. It s so important for our. Hidden to know that there aren't favorites As they all hold a special and unique relationship, bond and meaning to us. Love this xx
ReplyDeleteIn my head I have secret names for my children. Mr 18 is the "child of my heart" ... he is so like me in many ways and I just get him, you know? Miss 15 is the "child of my delight" ... she is so full of fun and joy! I love them differently but the same and there is definitely no way that I have a favourite ... although as they grow older I do find that I do more things with the girl than the boy. I guess that's just the way of sons compared to daughters ...
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