I took myself and my cherubs off to the park today. To enjoy the sunshine and to soak up some warmth. Whilst I was there I lay down on the grass and let my mind wander and ponder about my blog. You see, I just have no been feeling happy about my blog lately. Probably for the last six month actually. I have been having a battle: to write for my readers or to write for myself.
I know the people who read my blog want to hear more about how I organise our home, what meals I cook and how I budget our finances or how I discipline my children. But, writing about those topics does not interest me at all. Every so often I write a blog post on those topics but I would much rather write about how I am feeling emotionally, mentally or spiritually. I much prefer writing about feelings and how life is a struggle, how life is awesome and how life is complex. I love keeping it real writing. I love to write from my heart, from a certain point of view and to write deeply from that angle. I know people don't like this because when they read it they see a different angle and disagree. I know there are other angles, I just choose not to write about them.
I am struggling to find a balance between the two. To write for my readers or to write for me. I need to find that balance quickly because it is making me feel so unhappy I want to stop. I want to walk away from my blog. I am bored. I need a new challenge, a new opportunity and a new adventure. I am the type of person who works hard to achieve a goal and when I have achieved it, I walk away and start a new one. I have achieved all of my goals for my blog. This is normally the time when I would walk away and work on something new.
But, part of me wants to stick it out, to try something new and to write just for me. To be a little braver, to touch more hearts and to do more good. I want to share more stories, to leave a record for my cherubs and to just write and not worry about what others think or will say. I have been trying to do this for the past 6 months without much success and have been trying to push through it. Now, I need to make a decision. I can't keep feeling this way or functioning this way.
Any advice? What do you do?
I am at a loss of what to do next.