Every so often when I get a moment to myself, I think about being a mum. Not in a quick superficial way, but in a more deeper, ponderous way. I think about my attitude and about my journey of being a mum so far. When this happen's I always end up thinking about being a never good enough mother.
I know! I spend way too much time thinking about this topic but I can't help it, being a mum is my career, it is my full-time job! I have to think about it a lot to be good at it.
Anyway, I always start by thinking about myself and then naturally my thoughts start thinking about other mum's I know and then onto other mum's I don't know and then onto to all the mum's, around the world.
I know! I have a problem!!
Then when I start to think about it, I worry.
I worry about all the mum's who see themselves as never good enough mother's. Who live each day thinking that no matter what they do, it will never measure up, it is not good enough for the standard they have set for themselves and for the standard they believe other's have set for them.
I know what they are thinking, I know how miserable it is because I have been there myself.
It is not a pretty place to be.
Every day is exhausting, every day is a battle and every day involves beating yourself up. Eventually it becomes a natural part of your day to be critical of yourself and your actions and you lose your confidence in your natural abilities to follow your heart and instincts as a mum.
When this happens you start to need the assurance and praise of other's, you seek for them to tell you that you are doing an alright job as a mum, that you are mothering the right way for your children and you spend your life walking on egg shells worrying if what you did that day was good enough.
Your focus changes from wanting to please your children and to keeping them happy to wanting to please friends and even strangers. You focus becomes on the perception of what other's think of you and not what in your heart you know is best for your own children and family.
When you find yourself living your day in this way, that you are living your life as the never good enough mother, it is time to let go and to make a change. To change yourself, not your family.
It is easy to blame your family and your children for getting yourself into this situation because of their behaviour or because they won't listen to you, but in reality, you are the one who needs to make an attitude change. To change your thinking and to change your heart.
The change is simple in it's title: from being a never good enough mother to a good enough mother, but so much harder to put into practice.
The, I am good enough mother, is one who does not care what other's think, they mother from the heart, the actions and decisions they make are motivated and determined because of their family and children and not by the perceptions of other's. They don't care if they go out and a child is dressed in a crazy way, they don't worry if they get stares from people at the shops, they let that child express themselves how they want, they have fun, they feel confident with the choices they make and don't need the praise of other's to confirm the way they mother.
The more you love your decision's as a mum the less you need other's to love them.
I have spent a lot of my mothering journey working on being a good enough mother. I have had moments where I felt seriously outnumbered with many young cherubs and spent each day questioning and being critical of my every action, wondering if I could actually do one right thing at all during that day. I have also had moments where I knew I was right there, with the right thinking, mothering right from the heart, standing confident and tall each day with my cherubs and not letting anyone influence me in any way with the mothering I was doing each day.
Now that I have been a mother for many years, I find I feel I have more and more days as a good enough mother. It has been a journey though to get to this stage. I know some women find it no problem to slot right into this thinking, for me it has taken time, adjustment and hard work for me to change my heart and thinking. The journey though has been worth it. I now know what I want as a mother, what my children need me to do and be and really don't give a stuff about what others think!