Do you want a polite answer or do you want the truth?

Today is R U OK? Day. 

It is a national day dedicated to inspiring people to ask each other regularly, 'Are you OK?'. The day aims to prevent isolation by empowering people to support each other through life's ups and downs. As someone who has suffered depression and loves to talk about how I really feel, I love that there is a day set aside to motivate and encourage other's to show greater love and care to all people.

I have had my share of interesting experiences over the years with people asking me if I am OK. We all know there are people in our lives who are simply acquaintances and regularly ask us how we are and if we are good. For this type of people in my life I always smile and reply, yes..I am good. Simply because I know when they ask me how I am, that they want a polite answer. They stop to say hello because they like you, they care and they want to quickly touch base with you. The polite answer is all they have time for and a lot of the time a polite answer is all I want to give them!

There is nothing wrong with having polite answer people in your life. They can be great for your self esteem, make you feel like someone is thinking of you and make you smile. You can share a quick hug, a quick kiss on the cheek and even a quick laugh. What we need more of in our lives though are people who are willing and open to hearing the truth of how we are really going. Who when they ask you if you are OK, are actually prepared to hear what you have to say, are prepared to show some extra love if needed and who are not afraid of what will come out of your mouth. They ask you if you are OK because they really truly care and want to support you. 

So for me, when I am having a bad day, {which happens on a regular basis because being a mother to seven cherubs sure is full on some days!} and someone happens to asks me if I am OK...I often look at them and reply:

"Well, do you want a polite answer or do you want the truth?". 

People respond in three ways to this. 

1. They make a joke and laugh and leave. 

2. They tell me everything will work out fine because it always does and leave or 

3. They stop, they ask me again how I am really going and listen.

Words can't describe how much I appreciate those people who listen. Often all I need is to ramble out what is bothering me and then I can move on. Sometimes you just need to tell someone, you just need to say the words out loud and you really are not looking for any advice, you just want to say it to get it off your chest! 

All of us have struggles in life, we all have challenges, we all need support. What we all need more of is people who are prepared to hear the truth. Who will give a hug, give a listening ear, who will rub an arm, who will look at you with kind eyes and who will tell you that you are not alone with how you are feeling. Feeling alone is one of the worst feelings ever! We are never, ever alone with how we feel!

Now one last thing I want to say on this topic. 

One of the things I have seen a lot of in my time are new Mum's shell shocked after having a baby. I see them smiling and pretending to be alright, surrounded by other women who are smothering the baby with love but forgetting about the mother. Sure they tell her she is looking great, that her baby cherub is super cute and she has done a wonderful job in creating such a gorgeous baby but I don't see enough people actually asking the mother if she is OK. 

It doesn't take much to say, "Are you alright? I mean really alright? How did the birth go? How are you coping? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you feel depressed?"

Women need to talk about childbirth. It is often a traumatic event. We need to know we are not alone with what we just went through. We need people to talk to about how bad we can actually be feeling after having a baby and I am sure that if more people asked new mothers how they really were and they had someone to talk to, we would not have so many women with post natal depression. 

For me, I have done what I just described so many times. I have stood there dazed, in pain and pretended all is well. I have put on my fake face and pulled it off many a day. Many people asked me how I was but few actually asked me how I was really going. To those who did ask me I would reply, "Well actually, if you want the truth, I have sanitary pads stuffed in my bra as I am leaking so much milk, I think I have mastitis, I have so many stitches down below I have lost count and I think after all that pushing I have hemorrhoids...ummm...Yeah! I am totally fine!!"

Now I know not everyone needs to know this information and you don't want to tell it to everyone you know but it is important to have several people you can tell it to, to laugh about it, to ask advice from and to have tell you that you will heal and things will improve...eventually!

You don’t have to be an expert to support someone going through a tough time in life. You just need to be able to listen to their concerns without judgment and take the time to follow up with them on how they are going at a later date. If you really don't know where to start in asking someone if they are OK, there are some great tips HERE.

Also please, please do not be afraid to tell people you are not OK. We all have times and season's in our life where we are not OK. There is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean you are weak or crazy or stupid. It means you are real and that you feel. I also have to say that it is common sense that if you want people to ask you if you are OK, you also need to ask other people if they are OK. It works both ways. Nobody likes someone who is always dumping on them but is never available to listen when they need it. Be the type of person you would love to have in your life and you will attract people who will be loving and kind back. 

This post kind of turned out a lot longer than I thought and I really could go on about this topic for a lot longer but my main message today is that please take the time to ask people if they are really OK and it may surprise you just how many people around you are struggling and feeling the same way you are.

So, tell me if you want...Are YOU OK?