speaking the unspeakable

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I am a little emotional and fired up today. Which normally is a sign I should not publish anything on my blog but I am the type of person who likes to make mistakes, who likes to take risks and who likes to follow my emotions and heart. 

So publish I will and consequences I will face. 

Whether they be bad or good.

Deep breath.

I am a little passionate about an unspeakable topic: child sexual abuse. 

As today is White Balloon Day I felt it was appropriate to write about.

I have shared a few deep thoughts about abuse on my blog before... from victim to survivor to thriver...I also have the crazy personality where I love to speak about the unspeakable. I have a passion for telling it as it is, saying what other's would not dare to say and speaking up for those who can't speak for themselves. 

I normally hold myself back a lot on my blog for fear of backlash that comes from this and I try to keep it as a positive place for people to visit...BUT...and this is a big BUT, if I were to leave this Earth anytime soon I would regret not speaking up more about what I know in my heart to be important and helpful.

I ask you: What is the use of having a gift or experience and keeping it to yourself? Surely these gifts and experiences are to be shared, to be spoken of and to be used for good. My difficulty and problem is that my gift and experience comes under the category of speaking the unspeakable. A topic that people flee from, shudder when think of and close their minds, ears and hearts to.

See my struggle?

So I previously would tuck my thoughts away. I kept quiet for fear of offending, of making other's uncomfortable and of being a trigger for those who feel the same way. But not today. Today I open myself and stand in the sun, I let the warmth encourage me to grow, to share and to write about that unspeakable topic to help others, even that one person who may need to read this. That they will know they are not alone, that speaking up is worth it and that there are people who will listen.

White Balloon Day is a day of awareness. To encourage others to speak up about abuse they may be suffering. Too many children suffer abuse in silence, cowering in fear for the consequences that may come if they speak out. They are often manipulated, controlled and emotionally tricked into believing that harm will come to them and to others if they speak out. Sadly, in some cases this is really true. 

Others are simply told nothing. No explanation, no consideration for how they feel and are given no help in trying to recover, to heal and to move forward.

Here is why I am so passionate and writing about speaking out:

When I was young and was abused I innocently did what maybe not many other children may have done.

I spoke up. I spoke the unspeakable.

I immediately told someone what happened.

Maybe it was the way I said it, maybe it was because I had no idea what I was really talking about or maybe it was because what I was saying should not have come out of the mouth of someone so young. 

But here is the thing...no-one wanted to know.

Nobody wanted to listen.

Nobody wanted to act.

The consequences if they did were frightening and the impact would be horrific.

I was told off for saying such things.

Told to apologise to my abuser and that was that.

Life went on.

For them...but not for me.

I was stuck in the moment, frozen in that time of...

What? I have to apologise...it was my fault and I was the one who did something wrong!

Speaking out when I was younger did not help me in any way...at the time.

But with my personality and my spunk...do you think I stopped there?

No! Speaking out later on in life helped me to heal, helped me to off load heavy burdens and to let go of the past.

I know this is personal and probably too private for sharing on a blog. I however, am not worried about what people will think of me. I know that my past doesn't define who I am but it has helped shape me into who I am today. 

The main reason I am writing this to say - please, please, please...if a child comes to you and tells you that they have been abused in any way...believe what they have to say!

Children do not make up these stories.

They just don't!!

Sure what they are saying is scary, is shocking and will leave you speechless and often heartbroken but what they are saying is true. I don't care how awesome the person is that the child is talking about, how much you love them and how much you admire them, if your child says they have abused them...they really did!

Most abusers are super nice...they have to be to manipulate. Some are just downright scumbags and we all know that...but if I can share my story and help one person really listen and believe a child who is suffering and being abused then it makes it all worth it. I really hope in my heart that I don't have to help in that way and that anyone reading this is being hurt but I know that child sexual abuse is too popular for that to happen. 

Child sexual abuse is evil. There is no other way to describe it.

The affects are devastating and crushing.

I know it is not a pleasant topic and very different from what I normally write about but it needs to be addressed. People need to be uncomfortable, they need to face that this is reality and it needs to be promoted. 

We need to put a stop to this horrible act. 

I am so passionate about that!

Speaking the unspeakable needs to happen more often.

From my heart to yours: please, please, please be someone who is willing to listen and believe.