Seeker of Happiness: Feeling Happy In My Skin

Happiness does not come naturally to me. I have unfortunately over the years developed an association and almost friendly connection with negative self talk. We get along very well together and it is where I feel most at ease. Daily trashing myself. So to overcome this I like to call myself a seeker of happiness because every day that I wake up and pull myself out of bed, I have to make a concerted effort to seek for happiness in my day and in myself. I have slowly become better at finding happiness and the older I get the more I find happiness in the simple things in life.

I don't have this problem, and yes I do think it is a problem, with how I think about my family, my friends or anyone else around me. Only about myself. When I look at other people I see good and I see potential. When I look at myself I see mistakes and I see limits. To overcome this natural disposition to be a little melancholy within my own mind, I set myself goals and challenges that relate to my body. Physically challenges to help me feel a little more happier, to help me feel a little more connected and to help me feel as if I am improving. 

As most of you know I set myself a goal to run 10K. I worked hard for it and achieved it. I felt good about myself and I felt happy. When I was exercising each day I felt a real happiness boost and I felt self love for who I am and where I was going in life. Now that I have finished that goal I am right back to where I started. Trashing myself. This always leads to me putting on more weight and to feeling a lack of energy in my life.

For me, the greatest struggle is to have a regular, consistent, healthy mindset where I feel happy about the skin I am in. I don't really have a problem with the way that I look. I can't do much to change that. I can't grow any taller, I can't change the shape of my feet or the way my face looks. I was created this way and it is the way I will always be. I even wrote a blog post about how I heart my saggy baggy body. But, what I can do is change the way that I think about myself and improve my current fitness level. My fitness level always has a direct correlation to my mindset. The fitter I am, the less I trash myself.
So I have taken on a new challenge. Did anyone just roll their eyes? Here she goes again! This time I have done something completely different. I have signed up to a regular program of healthy eating and exercise with an online trainer {Lifestyle Rescue for Working Mums}. I am not at a stage in my life where I feel confident attending the gym so having someone online allows me to still be motivated in the comforts of my own home. It involves regular chats about where I am at, setting goals and doing the tasks assigned to them, 3 exercise skype sessions a week and I am taking pictures of all the food I eat. Can I just say that this a great way to actually see what you are eating and at first it was a little confronting to see what I am actually shoving in my mouth! 

I am working on eating less sugar, smaller portions {killing me!}, more fruit and vegetables and spending a lot more of my time doing squats, lunges, pushups and the plank {double killing me!}. I am even, shock horror, eating the same food some days to help me stay focused and have been trying out new food items such a soy milk, oat milk and rice milk and really trying to change my diet. I have been finding the results are worthwhile and helping me to feel better about myself. The longer I am following this plan the more I feel happier in my skin. 

For the last couple of weeks I have been doing really well and then I hit an obstacle. I started writing a book. Each day I would spend more and more time sitting at my computer smashing out my story and spending too much time sitting on my butt. I started to slacken off and I let my exercise and eating slip. So I contacted Vlad {the trainer}. He was very understanding and worked out a new plan for me that involved a short exercise routine in the morning, a short walk during the day and some stretches to do before bedtime. I loved that I could still be motivated during this crazy time and it has given me the extra motivation to get this book finished so I can get back to my normal routine. 

I am hoping that by following a regular plan that I can really start to speak a little kinder to myself on a regular basis as well. This is not a short term challenge that will have an ending, I am trying to change my lifestyle so that I can feel happier in my skin. So that each day it will flow more and more naturally for me to seek that happiness in my life and be more positive within myself. In the meantime whilst I am waiting for that to happen, I am very excited to welcome back size 12 into my life. You have been gone way too long and I miss you! 

Bring on those salads and planks! I have been missing size 10 as well!