no more children: when you know, you just know

{Motherhood, by Elizabeth Norse (1860-1938)}

Knowing when to stop having children is a personal decision for every woman. Some of us have no choice in the matter, some of us don't have partner support, some of us simply stop because we want to and some of us stop because we know it is the right time to finish. For those of us who stop because we know it is the right time to end having children it can be hard to share with others how we know it is the end.

I have spent most of my life feeling clucky. Every time I would see a baby it was like a change would come over me and I would have this burning desire within me to have more children. It was a feeling I loved and hated at the same time. I loved the feeling of warmth and tenderness that would come over me when I saw a sweet cherub but I also hated the knowledge that I would have to go through the whole pregnancy process to have another cherub come into our family. {I hate being pregnant!}.

After having seven children I wondered if this feeling of wanting more would ever end. For some women I don't think it ever does but with the many women I have spoken to, an end does come and when it does it can be very bitter sweet. Even though I have now finished having children, I still get asked if I am having any more. To answer this question I often share that I now know I have finished and that when you know it is the end, you will simply know.

For me, when I was giving birth to Liberty {my last cherub}, I begun to feel that this was my last child. My body was really struggling with the birth. It was as if my body was saying it had had enough of this whole pregnancy/giving birth process. The longer that the birth went on the more I started to feel that this was my last child I would be having.

As the pain of labour contractions flowed through my body, so did the sadness flow that this would be the last time that I would be doing this. I shed a few tears to mourn the loss of my child birthing years and then moved on to getting my cherub out and to being excited that this was my last precious cherub. I vowed to cherish every moment that was to come from now on and as she continued to grow I knew more and more that she was my last. I knew in my mind and in my heart that I was finished. Hard to describe but basically, I just knew.

So, what about you? Did you know it was the end?

Are you still waiting to find out? Did you have no choice?

You can read my birth stories: Part 1 and Part 2

I have not yet shared Liberty's birth story