Tuesday, February 12, 2013

the deflowering

I love flowers. Always have and always will. I love flowers in big bunches, small bunches and even a cherub handful of weeds. They add joy and happiness to my home whenever there is a scattering of them in a vase and even when there is a bunch of cherub weeds in a plastic cup full of water.

I love that having flowers gives me something special to look at during the day, something wonderful to smell and a pinch of joy whenever I walk past them. They are a personal reminder to me of how far I have come. How much I have blossomed. How much I have yet to grow.

I love how flowers reach for the sun and how you can find them growing in the most unusual places. In cracks of cement, in full bloom in the dessert, from a small space in a wall and from where no nourishment or sunlight seems to exist at all.

I love how they fight to exist, how they come into bloom and how there is such a vast range and variety to be admired. Each flower is unique and special in its own way, even in a whole field of flowers if you take the time to look, you can see the differences. You can notice the special qualities each flower has.

Even from far away you can see their beauty. However, if you take the time to get down to their level, to bring yourself closer, you can really appreciate them.  The closer you are, the more you can see the detail, the brightness of their colour and their real beauty.

So, what happens in life if you see yourself as a flower and you know you are beautiful and unique and wonderful and special and then someone comes along and picks that flower. They snap it right off the stem and take that blossom away from you. They decide, without your permission, to deflower you.

How do you recover?
How do you find the nourishment and strength to grow a new bud?
How do you blossom again and become as you once were?

In my personal experience you are never the same again. The flower never grows the same. No matter what you do, you have to accept that it is gone. It hurts, you feel incredible pain and you want it all to end. But, it doesn't have to be that way. You have the opportunity to create a new flower. Your own flower and with a design of whatever you want it to be.

When you are left to live off barren ground, with no source of water or nourishment and you feel like you are all alone, in the blazing sun and pruned to a bare twig, it changes you.

I was left to find my own water, sun and nourishment. I was left to fight for my own survival and to create my own watering system so that I could develop my own way to blossom in life and to design my own new unique colour.

It took me years and many attempts to find the right way to flower. It took a lot of tears and dealing with a lot of anger and hurt.

I am reluctant to share the process I went through here on my blog because everyone has a different way of coping and of flowering. Everyone must find their own way. I like to share little pieces to inspire and encourage but I don't ever want to tell anyone what they should do to heal and to blossom in life.

For me now, I feel happy with the flower I have become. At times it is a little faded and limp but at other times I know I am standing tall, reaching for the sun and spreading my petals as far as I can. I love the colour I have created. It is constantly changing and growing with more nourishment and care as I grow and develop but it is my flower. It is what I have created with the help of my wonderful husband and with a loving God.

I love to share that it is possible to heal in life and to create a beautiful new you. Not a perfect you, but a wonderful, loving you who can be surrounded by love and nourishment to help you grow. Often the nourishment needs to come from within yourself. It is hard but it is possible. My wish is that everyone could blossom and flourish no matter what type of deflowering they have had in life. I also hope that my words have added a few drops of water to your flower today :)


  1. Just awesome - you are an awesome writer and while this is very sad, and it must have been hard for you to write, its also full of hope.
    A very good way of looking at things

    1. Thank you. I like to write about challenging experiences in a positive way. Much nicer I feel.

  2. I enjoyed your article. Just wanted to point out (and I don't mean this in a horrible way, although some may take it that way) that "its" does not have an apostrophe when used as a possessive pronoun. :)

    1. Ha ha! Thank you. I was looking at that before I hit the publish button - going back and forth as to if it was right or not. I eventually decided to just publish as is and I thought someone will tell me if it is wrong. All fixed now :) Appreciate it.

  3. Beautiful Naomi.Flowers can really cheer us up when we are not feeling the best just like some people can. The petals reach out like a big hug and you know you are loved.

  4. This goes straight to the heart. A beautiful piece and I am so encouraged today as I read this as I too am learning how to be a beautiful bloom. xxx

  5. I found you through Time Out for Women and I am thrilled to read your posts. Thank you for your honesty and straight talk. I, too, share your past and have been trying to reconcile it with what I "remember, remember" of my childhood. Also trying to find the right place for this knowledge in my daily life. Admittedly, it is re-dissociated most of the time which tends to bring a lot of angst. This post helps a lot. xoxo

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  7. Loved reading that Naomi....thankyou for writing it. Maybe I will write to you about my story one day....


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