When you are abused as a child, it changes who you are and will become. Not only might your body be violated, but so will your mind and self belief system. It changes the way you see the world, the way you see yourself and the way you interact with other people. This has a far reaching effect on how you will raise your own children after you have been abused.
Abuse is toxic. It spreads like a dark oil through your veins into your heart and mind. It is very hard to overcome and remove. It is so toxic that the abuse of one innocent child can influence generations of future children in a family. You see, being abused as a child changes the way you will raise your own children. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the absolute worst.
It is your personal choice how you chose to allow the abuse of your childhood to affect your own children. For me, it has been one hard fight. One that I continue to battle with every day as a parent. My biggest battle I fight is against fear. The ball of fear that sits in my heart like a heavy black cloud overshadowing every heartbursting moment I have as a parent. The ball of fear that at times has worried and grown as more children came into our family and I found it harder to protect them from inside and outside influences. That ball of dark fear where the core concern and worry is that one of my children would be abused like me.
No parent who has been abused would ever want their children to endure the same torment. It is a fear that all abused parents face. We live with that heavy ball of fear in our hearts every day. We worry, we go over every situation in our mind looking for signs and triggers of abuse, we panic in our hearts when our children tell us someone touched them in a way they didn't like, we try our best not to pass on our fears to our children, be work hard to speak openly about to protect our bodies, we fiercly trust our instincts and have no problem speaking out to protect our children, we pray and hope that we will be the last to endure such toxic behaviour and will break the chains of family abuse and do all we can to educate and train our children to speak up and fight back against any form of abuse they may encounter.
We look into the eyes of our precious cherubs and desire so strongly to give them the childhood we never had. We want them to grow up knowing they are loved, treasured, adored and that they are enough. We want them to know that relationships with other people can be wonderful and secure and happy. We fight so hard to let them live in a home with safety, with approprate affection and to have a life without hurt and pain and violation of body and self. The last thing we want for them is to grow up with a life of manipulation, violence, degrading comments and fear,
It is one of the reasons I wrote my 10 TIPS TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM SEXUAL ABUSE. That ball of fear motivated me to educate my children in a way that would stop this chain of abuse from happening in my family and my hope was that it would help other families as well. It has been overwhelming how much support I have recieved from this blog post and how many tender experiences people have shared with me in relation to abuse. It is now the most popular blog post on my blog. This brings me joy that the message is reaching families and this brings me great saddness that there is such a need for this topic to be shared in our communities and in our homes. As a parent I know I am not alone in this fight to protect our children and that is a great comfort to me.
Raising children after you have been abused is no easy task. Even if you have worked hard to overcome abuse in your own life and have found peace and healing, you will still have moments where you will struggle to parent in a healthy, balanced way. It is a challenge to find the right balance of caring and protecting for your children. For many of us our heart wants to be overprotective and to shelter them from anyone who may harm them. This is not a healthy way to raise our children either. I personally have no clear answers on how to overcome this challenge. It is one of the horrible far reaching effects of abuse. Deciding how to protect and raise your children is very personal and needs to be catered to every individual family situation. What is important is that we are doing something to protect them.
This week, here in Australia, is National Child Protection Week 2013. It runs from the 1-7th of September and is run by NAPCAN (National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect). I love that the main message is: Protecting Children Is Everyone's Business and we are all encouraged to play a part. I totally agree!
If you are looking for a way to play a part in helping to protect our precious cherubs I recommend you click HERE to check out the NAPCAN website. We want our wonderful cherubs to live safe happy lives. They deserve it. Every child deserves to feel safe and the more people we can get involved, the more awareness we can raise and the safer our children will be.
I totally believe that as parents we can raise our children to have louder, stronger, more powerful voices than those predators who whisper horrible thoughts and perform secret evil acts on our children. That is the reality of the battle we face in our communities and in our homes. My personal goal is to help as many parents as I can to educate and raise those loud voices in our children. I hope you will join me.