When you know a child is missing from your family or it is incomplete


Often I get emails from women asking me about how to deal with the feeling they have where they know a child or children are missing from their family.

They know that even though they already may have several children they are taking care of, that their family is incomplete, there are more children waiting and wanting to join their home.

For some women they feel guilty that they want to have more when they already have what most people would call 'enough' and worry about what people will say and think.

Other's are scared because they don't know how they could possibly take care of and provide for more children when they are already stretched to the limit emotionally, mentally and financially.

There are also women who have this feeling and choose not to follow it. Who decide that what they do have is enough for them and are happy to stop where they are.

All of these feelings are deeply personal and none of them are wrong.

How many children you decided to have or not to have is up to YOU.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, except your partner/husband, or what anyone else says about your family.

What does matter is how YOU feel about the decision you have made with the number of children you have in your home.

I have found there is a certain amount of sadness and even grief no matter what you decide to do with planning your family.

At times I have personally had days where I felt sadness that having a large family was just so, so hard and the exhausting effort required to complete my family was too much for me to cope with.

The constant feeling I had that children were missing from my home was always there in the background and a reminder that I needed to stay on top of things around my home.

Many days this feeling had me in tears because I knew more children would be coming to our home and I already felt like I was struggling enough as it was!

Phew! How grateful I am that we get to slowly grow into parenting just like our children get to grow into adults...

I have also had days where I felt sad that my child bearing days were over.

That there would be no more sweet cherubs coming into my home and immediately felt guilty for feeling that way when I already had seven children!!

I originally wanted and felt that we would have ten children in our family. My whole focus was on preparing and planning for those ten cherubs to come into our home.

We have decided to stop at seven.
We are so thankful for our seven cherubs.

At first that was difficult but now I feel happy and content with our decision.

So as you can see...it is not easy to feel completely happy all the time about planning our families. There is so much pressure today to keep everyone else happy too and that is an impossible task!

Trying to write this blog post is difficult because I know this is a sensitive topic for some women and I know that not all women get to have a say in how many children they have or even if they get to have children at all!

What I do know is that there are many women who start having children and constantly feel like there are other children missing until they know there family is complete.

Some women are very prayerful about what to do, some just have a gut feeling, some look at family pictures and feel people are missing and some just love babies so much they always feel like they need more!!

Basically, if you are struggling about what to do and having days where you feel it is a challenge to get it all right...let me say that the way you are feeling is totally normal..

There are a lot of us feeling the same way.

You might like to also read what I wrote:

No more children: when you know, you just know

about this same topic.

Have you struggled with knowing your family is incomplete?