living the dream

I love to dream big, to set impossible goals and to then work hard to achieve them. I feel incredibly blessed in my life as I have already achieved most of my personal dreams and goals I set for myself. Not too many people can say they are living the dream life they have always wanted but that is how I feel about my life. I am a stay at home mum, who gets to write and to talk about motherhood as much as I want here on my blog. Living the dream here. 

I am easily pleased, what can I say!

As most of you know I adore my books and I recently started reading 'Dare, Dream, Do' by Whitney Johnson. According to Whitney, remarkable things happen when you dare to dream. I don't know if I consider my life to be remarkable by any means but I love the lessons I have learned along the way and the crazy person I have become in the process.

I started reading Whitney's book and immediately decided to take a blog break to study it, to devour it and dream a little bigger. I read story after story included in the book of what dreams and goals other women have achieved and pondered deeply over why as women we give up on our dreams and don't even dare to dream at all.

I spent time thinking of new blog goals and projects, I thought of starting a business, I thought of writing books, I thought constantly of starting a project outside of my home and of entering the work force. I let my mind wander over ideas and possibilities that would take me out of my home and away from away my family. As I pondered and wondered and dreamed and tried to dream bigger dreams I ended up having a surprising outcome.

It became clear to me that I am already living my dream, right now, this moment, this day and this year and that I am happy doing so. I have no more real blog goals and dreams, I simply love to write and share and I am happy with small opportunities that come my way. I have learned business skills and I use them in my home and on my blog already. I have a blog where if I want to write a book, I can and I can do it in my own time, my own way and simply sell it as an ebook. I can give it away if I want, I can be in control and I can do it according to how I want. 

Basically, I love that I can spend my day how I want, I can develop skills and talents according to my own schedule and can help and serve and fit my desires around my family. 

Sure there are parts of my dream life I am living that are not so nice such as all the housework and arguing that can often happen in our home, but being a mother is my dream. It is my chosen career and it is my dream life. I am so, so grateful that I am one and that I can be at home with my cherubs. 

I love that each day I can try to be a little better as a mother and that I can keep my mind active with writing. I can build stronger relationships with my cherubs and connect with other women and love my family a little more each day. 

I loved reading Whitney's book and for the reminder that I am already living my dream life. I am looking forward to what new opportunities may come my way and to writing more about motherhood in the future.

When is Enough, Enough?

{image}

As a woman I find myself asking more and more: 

When is Enough, Enough?

Today is one of those days where I want to scream out loud....ENOUGH!! Not to anyone I know, not to any single person or any group or association but to myself. To wake myself up, to slap myself around and to just tell myself to let it all go. 

As a stay at home mum I find I often feel dissatisfied with what I have accomplished during my day as there is always so much more to do. At the end of each day my to do list seems never ending: the housework, the homework, the washing, the bills, the emails, the sorting, the de-cluttering, the affection, the attention, the school notes and the gardening are all tasks that never seem to end.

I fall into bed asking myself if I did enough during my day. 

I spend my days rushing from one event or one experience to another hoping I have everything we need, hoping that my cherubs know that we love them and hoping that I have done enough around my house to keep it in order through the whole process.

When I leave the house I ask myself if I have done enough to be able to relax and enjoy where I am going.

I work hard and through it all hope that my cherubs feel that I am pulling off this parenting gig in a good way. I have days where I feel worn out. Downright tired even. I get to the stage where I can't go any further, I can't do one more task no matter how much I push myself and I know it is time to rest and to listen to my body.

I feel exhausted but still ask myself if I have done enough.

There is always so much happening in our house and I try to keep up with it all the best I can. Just like any other woman or mother would do who has a family or who works or does both. I try to run an organised home and battle with the pressure I place upon myself.

I start to see that you can never do enough. 

I start to question my version or vision of ideal. I have become so busy that I no longer determine when the time has come to stop, to rest and to let the to do list go. I shift my focus and determine my own self acceptance of what enough means. Enough at the end of each day becomes not too little yet not too much.

I start to wonder why I was waiting for someone to tell me when enough, is enough.

My version of enough = a sleep deprived, unhappy woman who spends her time pleasing others and trying to reach a level of living where she forgets who she is. So I start to say No, I start to cut back and I start to allow myself to rest. I create a new version of what enough looks like.

I start to tell myself at the end of each day that I have done enough. 

Deciding when enough is enough each day is a personal decision and a difficult one as each day is unique. Some days we need to do more and others we can pull back. Knowing when to stop and when to say, 'you know what, that is enough!' will help give us a healthy rest/work balance in our lives. I am becoming better at seeking that balance and am becoming more satisfied with what I have accomplished during my day. It is not perfect but it is enough.

How do you determine when enough, is enough?

Do you push yourself to your limits or are you good at knowing when to stop?

Happy Mother's Day: putting mother into words

A little while ago here at Seven Cherubs we embarked on a challenge to find as many words as we could to describe what it is like to be a Mother. Together we came up with an awesome list and I have finally put them into an image for you. 

Happy Mother's Day ladies xx

a home of happy chaos

I have just finished reading the book 'Happy Chaos' by Soleil Moon Frye. You may remember her from the 80's show Punky Brewster. The book is a nice read about life growing up as a child star mixed with stories of raising her two girls. She shares her personal experiences mixed with questions and advice from her readers on her website. 

According to Soleil, 'Happy Chaos' is the sign of a family that is operating at it's best - when parents accept that they will make mistakes and will experience messes, tears and skinned knees. This got me thinking about our home and the happy chaos we have here.

Before I became a mother I spent time observing other families. I saw many large families who ran a very strict home and other large families who seemed to function in total chaos with no order. My goal going into motherhood was to strike a balance between the two. I wanted a house of order but a house that was set up for happiness and fun as well. As I read through Soleil's book I felt that we have achieved our goal of having a home of happy chaos and order. 

It has not been easy to arrive at this point. It has taken a lot of work and consistency in teaching our children that there is a time to work and a time to play. Of course we love those moments when working together becomes fun and joyful and feels like play but life is not like that every day.

For me Happy Chaos means a home with freedom to make, create, learn and explore life. It is a home environment where it is good to ask questions, to be able to share opinions and ideas, to be respected and listened to. A place to share emotions - happiness, sadness, anger and joy. There are opportunities to play games, dance, draw and build. Where appropriate affection is shown, where kindness is practised and where making memories is encouraged. 

Our home is not perfect, our family is not perfect but our home is a place we want to come home to and our family is a family we want to be with. That to me is real happiness.

What does a home of 'happy chaos' mean to you?

YOU are the mother expert

I have read a lot of parenting books in my time to help me become a better mother. In fact I have a large library full of them. I have been uplifted and motivated by many of them and also frustrated and discouraged by a small group of them.

One thing that I have discovered from all this reading of parenting books is this:
YOU ARE THE EXPERT when it comes to raising your child/children.

It does not matter what people say, what books you read, what the experts tell you, YOU are the best mother for your children. You are the one who loves and cares for them the most, who knows instincivly what they need and what you are able to give them.

So often I have read about child raising techniques and loved the idea and plan but knew deep down in my heart that it just was not right for my children. It might have been great for another family but I knew it just was not right for me.

It takes confidence to be able to take a stand and go against what a popular author or professional might be saying, even to go against what your friends may be doing.

As a younger mother I spent a lot of my time comparing myself to others and to even some of our friends. This was a total waste of time as our family situations are different, our personalities are different and my children are different.

What is going to work with a family of a couple of children, I know will not work for ours. I just do not have the same amount of time to devote large amounts of one on one experiences and have to be smarter with how I build a relationship with my children.

One of my roles as a mother is to follow my instincts. To be confident enough to trust in myself and to believe and know that I KNOW what is best for us. I am a work in progress in this area but I am enjoying the challenge.

Just like the image above of me with my daughters with painted toenails, we are not a family who simply paints our toes pink and all follow the same thinking. We are each unique members of our family, we each have our own likes and loves and I encourage my daughters to make their own decisions and to chose what they want (and colours!) from life.

be realistic about yourself

Writing about self esteem for women is a delicate topic. It brings up all sorts of emotions. Some women like to focus on learning about it to try improve and some just want to ignore it so they do not need to face how they are really feeling. I am one of those women who like to face how they are really feeling and want to try to do something about it. Kind of annoying I know for some people, but that is how I am. 

I try to be a realist in my life as much as I can. I am good at seeing a situation as it really is and can often be heard saying, 'The reality of the situation is....'. However, I was not always that way and have spent way too many years of not being a realist when it comes to myself. I have spent many a day feeling miserable because I did not look a certain way, did not have the latest clothes or the latest car and did not have what it seemed a lot of other women had. 

I am generally fine now and rarely get upset because I don't have something but there was a time years ago where this type of unrealistic thinking adding to my low self esteem. My own unrealistic thinking added to the picture I had of myself and what I thought I should look and be like. So from personal experience I have decided that the last tip has to be:

Day 5. Be realistic about yourself

I hear and know of many women who dislike the way they look or who they are...A LOT! They point out negative aspect of themselves constantly and hope that by pointing it out themselves that no one else will bring it up as they have already addressed it and pointed it out. I know I have done that before...why do we do this to ourselves?

For me, I find there is no use comparing myself to others as I have had seven children. Having children changes you and your body. I am seriously not going to look like a woman who has had one child or even three children ever! It is unrealistic of me to think that I will look like I did before children. Yes, having seven children in nine years kind of changes your stomach in ways I never thought possible! If I worked hard I could probably get close but my body is just not the same. There is no use beating myself up about it either. I am not saying we should give up on taking care of ourselves and I really do like to exercise and to keep healthy as much as I can but I also have come to accept that this is what I look like and I accept that. 

Some days I think we forget that all of us are unique. We are created differently. We are all different and have a variety of gifts and talents. We think, love and follow our heart differently. We all have a variety of ways we like to parent and mother our children. None of these ways are wrong, they are just different.

For me I have a large family. I parent very differently than a mother who has a smaller family. It is just the way it is. I don't compare myself to others, I don't expect them to do the same as I do and if I tried to be like them I am sure my family would suffer. 

To have a healthy self esteem I say embrace yourself. Love who you are. Be realistic of what your situation is and just love yourself regardless. We all make mistakes, we all fail in areas of our lives and we all have things about ourselves that we do not like. So often we just focus on what we don't like and forget that are special. We really are worth loving, we are brilliant, we are awesome and we need to find things about us that we do like. If we can find and see good about ourselves, our self esteem will improve greatly and we will feel so much happier about life.

ask for praise

So it seems that self esteem is a topic that a lot of people want to read about but not a lot of people want to comment about. That is totally fine and I really appreciate you dropping by to read my tips and am thankful to those who have commented and shared personal experiences so far.

If you are just joining us today you can read my other tips here:

Day 1 - Do not take words/comments personally

Day 2 - Look for your strengths during your day

Day 3 - Avoid over-exaggerting a situation 

Today in relation to self esteem I am going to suggest a radical idea for some of you:

Day 4. Ask for Praise:

Being a mother brings different times and seasons of feeling good about yourself and your parenting skills. During the difficult times, and there will be many, I suggest asking family and friends for extra support and praise.

There is nothing wrong with saying:
‘You know what, right now I am struggling to feel good about being a mum. Can you please help me out by showing me some extra love and telling me what you think I am doing well?’.

The first time you try this it will be uncomfortable and difficult but after you see what a difference it makes to how you feel you will totally do it again!

If you do not have supportive family, ask your kids if they are old enough, your husband, your partner, your friends, your neighbours or even your facebook and twitter friends. I have seen so many people ask for love using social media and have seen them showered with loving messages of support.

For me there is a difference between seeking attention and seeking praise. Seeking attention is more about look at me and my awesome parenting skills compared to praise is more about seeking support and gratitude from others. If we are struggling, some extra praise can help keep us motivated to stay positive and to feel good about ourselves.

Being aware of the difficult times and seasons of life can help us to ask for extra support and praise when we need it. Often it is just the boost we need to get us through a difficult patch that will soon pass.

Do you find it difficult to ask for help?

Do you need praise to keep going or are you fine without it?

improving self esteem avoid over-exaggerating situation

You can read Day 1 - http://www.sevencherubs.com/2012/04/improving-self-esteem-as-mother.html
You can read Day 2 - http://www.sevencherubs.com/2012/04/improving-self-esteem-as-mother-look.html

One common factor affecting my self esteem and how I feel about myself is tiredness. If I am feeling really, really tired {which happens all the time in the Seven Cherubs house} I find it so much harder to think good thoughts about myself. Kind of like I can't be bothered to tell myself I am awesome!

I actually find it less draining to think bad thoughts of myself, which is really sad, and find it more draining to think good thoughts about myself because it still takes great effort to be positive about myself each day.

I am a work in progress and each day I do feel as if my self esteem is improving. I don't know if thinking about your self esteem makes you feel worse but for me, thinking about it actually helps me to work on it more and helps me to feel better about myself.

By thinking about it, I make sure I plan some time out moments for myself and keep track of how I am generally feeling. By not thinking about it I find I end up in a slump and find myself hitting rock bottom more often.

With this in mind here is Day 3 for my 'Self Esteem Week':

Avoid over-exaggerating a situation

Often when my self esteem is feeling at a low I find my mind seems to over-exaggerate a situation. I tend to see the situation far worse than it really is. This is normally due to tiredness, stress and exhaustion, all common factors that come with being a mother.

When this happens and I see a situation worse than it really is, I also start to see my behaviour or involvement in it as worse as well. I start to criticise myself for the way I handled it or did not handle it and start to bring myself down.

If you find yourself starting to see life far worse than it really is, ask someone else for an opinion and try to see it from a different angle. If that fails, sleep on it (if you can get it!) and try to look at it with fresh eyes the next day.

Most situations I find myself stressing out about or getting worked up about rarely seem that big the next day. I can often find a solution, see a way to lighten the load or the pressure the situation may be causing or simply not think it is worth worrying about all with a little sleep.

We all generally know when we are too tired to deal with life. We start rubbing our eyes, we find ourselves staring at the floor for no reason, we put our hand on our head when we need to make a decision, we start to mutter to ourselves or even start talking to ourselves out loud. I bet as you are reading this you are thinking about what your signs are. What we need to be better at is reading the signs and of giving ourselves a break.

On my facebook page this week I asked my followers:

How would you rate your self esteem?

LOW, MEDIUM OR HIGH

I was really surprised that so many people answered LOW.

Some even answered non-existent!

I loved that Melissa from Suger Coat it answered:

HIGH! Bordering on up myself actually. 

She then went on to write a blog post about it.

You can check it out here: http://www.sugercoatit.com/self-esteem-or-self-destruct

P.S: {This also applies to anyone or any situation in life. Tiredness affects all of us!}

improving self esteem as a mother - look for your strengths

I really appreciate your comments and support for Day 1 of my 'Self Esteem Week' here at Seven Cherubs. My Day 1 tip was Do not take words/comments personally in relation to your cherubs, your family or even strangers.

For me, I had a real turning point with my personal self esteem when it hit me one day that I needed to be responsible for how I feel about myself each day. You would think that I would know this already but as a young mother surrounded by many cherubs I reached a stage where I was tired, exhausted and had myself in such a state that I was relying upon everyone else around me to help me feel better about myself.

As you can imagine that plan did not work very well and it was not long before I felt like my self esteem was at an all time low. One day when I felt I hit rock bottom I was finally able to see that I needed to take control and that I could not rely on my children to uplift me.

Sure they are cute and loving and made me smile every day but I really couldn't expect them to give me the praise that I needed to help me feel better about myself as a mother. They simply were too young and could not read the signs of when I needed extra love. Heck! They could not even read the alphabet!

So continuing on with my 'Self Esteem Week' here at Seven Cherubs.

Here is number 2.

Look for your strengths during your day.

As you go about your daily routine as a woman or mother look for the good that you do. So often we spend our time focusing on the mistakes we make that we forget to praise ourselves or look for the good that we have done to help ourselves or our family that day.

Sure we may have burnt dinner a little, missed an appointment or even lost our temper, but we also may have done all of the washing, fed our children, played with them, helped a friend, stopped them from hurting themselves and even cleaned the bathroom.

Appreciating our strengths will help us feel better about ourselves and change our internal self talk. I believe we can and should celebrate our strengths and positive {motherhood} moments we have in life.

Some of these moments are tough to get through and the only praise we receive from getting through them comes from ourselves. There is nothing wrong with saying, 'You know what, I did an awesome job of getting everyone ready for school this morning' or 'Wow! I actually handled that situation really well. I cannot believe I did not lose my temper!'.

If you go throughout your day and you simply cannot see any good at all, your self esteem is really at an all time low. You are being way too hard on yourself and need to lighten up a little. I would encourage you to get out and to have some fun and to remember that each day is a fresh start.

improving self esteem as a mother

Since becoming a mother, I have had a roller coaster ride in relation to my self esteem. I have had moments where I felt like I had achieved a balance and had a healthy self esteem and moments where I was my own worst enemy, daily tearing my self esteem to shreds.

When my self esteem was at my lowest I saw that I had become so immersed in my mothering role that my identity and self worth had solely become connected to the behaviour and actions of my children.

When they were good, I felt good and when they misbehaved (which was all the time!), I felt like a failure and a bad mother. As a mother to seven children someone in my home is always misbehaving in relation to something!

I realised that to have a healthy self esteem I needed to quickly work out a new plan and strategy to protect myself or I was destined to spend the rest of my life miserable!

So with that in mind I have decided to have a 'Self Esteem Week' here on Seven Cherubs and to share my 5 tips for keeping and improving a healthy self esteem as a mother.

Originally when I wrote this post I was a little surprised at how long it ended up being at the end and that I had so much to say about this topic. I felt it would be too long for mothers to read during their day and have decided to break it up into 5 days of posts so you can have a quick read and hopefully put some of these tips into practise as you go about your day looking after your cherubs.

I also hope that it will help you feel a little better about yourself in the process and that it might get you thinking about how your own self esteem is going on your mothering journey.

So here is number 1:

Do not take words/comments personally.
As a mother I have been on the receiving end of some interesting comments from strangers and also from my children. When this happens I try really hard not to take it personally so that it does not affect my self esteem. Most of the unkind comments I have received from my children, I know they did not really mean.

{Anyone else had a lovely, sweet four year old daughter who magically changes into a smart mouthed, snooty child that you have no idea where she picked up her new comments from?}

At the time they did not understand what they were really saying as they are young children, and often repeated a comment they had heard from somewhere else. Hello! Children's television shows that seem to be getting worse and worse! My children had no idea of the hurt that they may have caused to me and looking at it from this perspective has helped me to let go and move on.

This is however very hard to do when you are feeling tired, frustrated and overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and duties that being a mother can bring. When you are at your wits end and your precious cherub, who you love dearly, looks at you and says, 'I hate you mummy' and then storms off to their room. It can take all of your strength to not take the comment personally and to fall in a heap over it.

Children have no idea that you may be holding on by a thread that day and that the smart little remark they just made, snapped that last piece of thread you were holding onto so that you hit the ground hard with a thud! Keeping in mind that children are not adults and do not see what we see really helps me to separate myself from words or comments that may hurt my self esteem and to pick myself up from off that hard, cold floor.

By keeping this tip in mind I am able to keep my self confidence as a mother and see the bigger picture of parenting. I simply can't expect my children to speak maturely to me at all times, they are growing and learning and will say things they really don't mean. They are children, not adults and the more I learn not to take what they say personally the happier I feel as a mother.

{This however does not apply to all the wonderful positive comments they give me - I totally take all of those personally!}

Do you take all comments from your children personally?

How do you deal with mean comments your children may say?

my goal to stop complaining

I believe in setting goals and in self improvement. I have so many areas of my life that need improving that I find I always have some goal or some area that I am working on in relation to myself. It is either my weight, my fitness or my thoughts that seem to need the most attention. I am not over the top with setting strict goals but I often like to set small goals to challenge myself in these areas.

Recently, I have been working on a goal to stop complaining. Now complaining {to me} means to express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. In my home, I have ample opportunities to put complaining into action and often have to bite my tongue to not make a situation worse than it already is!

I started to work on this goal a little more when a certain event happened at lunch time in our home and I found myself being very vocal and wearing my 'complaining hat' quite boldly.

I started to get the food ready for lunch and the children came in and started taking the food before it was finished. Before I knew it, by the time I had finished preparing all of the food there was none left.

Now I just happened to be really hungry on this day and there was no food left for me.
*Insert me wearing my complaining hat*

So I started to get out some more food and by the time I had finished getting the next lot ready it was all gone as well. Before I had even had my first lot of food the kids had already had a second helping and there was none left.

*Insert me wearing my complaining hat again*

I decided the best thing for me to do was to leave the kitchen as I was feeling pretty mad by this stage. I sat on the couch and started to complain to myself about my complaining!

I was mad that I let myself get so worked up about it and I was mad that I could not get the chance to get any food. So I went back into the kitchen to try to make myself something to eat and in came a child and asked to take my sandwich!

That was it!!!

I sat myself down and thought about how complaining really achieves nothing. I did not feel any better for it and neither did anyone else. I did not stop to make any positive comments, jokes or solutions to solve the food problem at hand. I certainly did not stop to look at the situation through my kids eyes. They were simply hungry and maybe a little greedy and they were just looking to me for food.

I am also mindful that my kids were not looking at how I was feeling in this situation and they were not paying attention to the complaining signals I was sending them and boy was I sending them!

It reminded me of when I attended the Power of Moms conference and we talked about how we need to teach our children that Mummy is a Person. That we have thoughts and feelings, that we have needs and that we need our own time and space as well. My children know that and they are pretty good at making sure I get time to myself and especially time to have my food etc but that one day really had me thinking about how I personally had not been enforcing that as strongly as I should be.

So now I am working more on teaching my children that Mum has feelings, that Mum has needs and that Mum actually needs to eat to survive! I am also working on doing this minus the complaining and I have found it is working out to be a better experience for all of us.

What do you need to thrive as a mother?

I have been processing a lot of thoughts since attending not one, but two conferences over the past two weeks on motherhood. It was a special treat for me to have that time to think about my family and to be involved with helping to organise, along with my lovely friend Felicity, to bring April and Saren from the Power of Mom's out here to Australia. There was a lot of work involved, a lot of excitement involved and even some tears involved to make it happen. Felicity worked so hard behind the scenes to organise it all and I so appreciate all the effort she put in. Love her!

{Felicity and I}

I really enjoyed being able to participate on the different panel discussions (along with several other inspiring women) and to share what we do in our Seven Cherubs home and to share some of the lessons I have learned along the way on my mothering journey. I was uplifted by what the other women had to share and loved it when we shared similar experiences but with our own individual application. Like how we thrive as mothers but each in our own different way. 

 {Me, Corrie and Lisa}

{Me, Vanessa and Nadene}

The women attending the conference we intelligent, motivated, friendly, funny and inspiring women. It made my heart sing to hear them passionately talk about the role they play in their homes and the great love they have for their children. We did a lot of talking, a lot of eating and a lot of laughing. 

{Gold Coast conference}

{Sydney conference}

The food was presented so beautifully and tasted divine! It was fresh, healthy and just what a bunch of enthusiastic mothers needed to keep them chatting and sharing and laughing about life with cherubs. Check out my friend Luana who did the catering for us at Umbrella Events Brisbane. 

As women we did a lot of heart to heart talking and connecting. We shared the desires of our mother hearts and encouraged each other to be better. We talked about how even though we have children, we are still a person, we still need to take care of ourselves and how important it is to allow ourselves to thrive. We discussed ways to follow our passions, simple ideas on how to make ourselves a priority in our home and to still be there for our children. We talked about how it is worth the effort as a mother who thrives helps a whole family to thrive.

Whilst attending each conference I found my mind was constantly thinking of was to improve the routine in our home and also about what I personally really need as a mother. I seriously pondered and asked myself, what do I really need to thrive as a mother? April asked the question during the conference and it was one of those questions that kept replaying in my mind the whole weekend. As I talked and chatted with the different women attending I started to get ideas about how they were feeling a mother and in turn how I was feeling in my own mothering role. 

I was reminded that often I really don't need that much to happen to thrive as a mother. All I need to thrive as a mother are simple establish systems in my home to help bring order and happiness. All I personally need is some time each day to make sure they are running properly and some time out for myself. I find I either need to read, run, write or listen to music. I also know I need some social time with other women. I love chatting and connecting with other mothers. I love to talk about what works in their homes and to see their eyes light up when they talk about their cherubs.

{April, Felicity, Me and Saren}

{I think Felicity and I just need a perm and we have the Aussie Power of Mum's team covered!}

So often as mothers we forget about ourselves. We arrive at a stage where we end up lost, forgetting who we really are. I was reminded that it really is possible to be a mother and to still follow your passions. It is possible to be a happy mother who is thriving and growing and loving life. Often all it takes is some planning and the desire to make it happen. I had an absolute blast over the two conferences. I made new friends, I talked too much, I laughed, I ate too much, I felt inspired and I loved every moment of it. I even got to hold several gorgeous new babies and wished I had another new cherub in our home. I came home with a head full of ideas, a new desire to be a better mother and a burning desire to follow my passions and to thrive.

Do you think about what you need as a mother?

What do you need to thrive as a mother?

Mercy River Higher CD Giveaway

MERCY RIVER are a trendy mum-tri who have just released their third album, Higher. To celebrate this, the girls (Brooke, Whitney, and Soni) are taking a tour, a blog tour! I am very excited to be involved and to have them on my blog. They are young, creative women who juggle tasks and wear many different hats. With thirteen kids between them, they have full plates but still find time to live their dream as recording artists and inspirational speakers. They are so my kind of women! Below is a guest post from Soni about motherhood {who has five children} and I am also pleased to be able to give away a copy the new album, Higher here on my Seven Cherubs blog. 

There's Hope For Me Yet! Learning from Great Mothers 

By: Soni Muller of Mercy River 

I love being a mom, I really do. But I’ll admit there are many days I feel like a horrible mother. For example, last summer we had a big Mercy River performance. One of my MR "jobs" is to keep all of our sound equipment at my house and take it to each performance.  When I went out to get it that day, one of our microphones was missing!  I just knew one of my kids had taken it out and played with it somewhere in the yard and left it in the sprinklers overnight.  So I started questioning my kids, and of course, everyone denied ever seeing it. We frantically searched the house and the yard, and eventually I was upset and yelling at my kids--offering a $100 reward to see if one of them “happened” to find it with the bait of cash...but nope. In the middle of me barking at my children my 6 year old Ruby tilted her head to one side and, with a puzzled look, said to me, “Mommy do you like being a mom?”   

I was humbled. First, because my own daughter thought I didn't like being a mom, and second, because a few minutes later we found the microphone. It had just slipped down behind all the other equipment.   

I find myself sometimes thinking that I will never be the kind of mom I want to be, because I have too many weaknesses.  But I have been doing better lately because of a discovery I made. I discovered that if want to be a great mother, I need to surround myself with FRIENDS who are great mothers.  

So much of what I learn comes from watching and learning from friends who are examples of being good mothers. I watch how they react to a certain situation and I think, "If they can do it, so can I." These mothers in my life have no idea that I “watch” them, but I do. I notice the good things they do that I want to incorporate into my mothering.   

I've learned a lot from my Mercy River ‘sisters’ Brooke and Whitney--they are my best friends and we spend a lot of time together.  They are great examples of putting family first.  For example--I'm not a very "cutesy" mom. I have a hard time making holidays or birthdays fancy or thinking of creative little things that my kids will love. But…when it was 11-11-11, Whit told me she was going to make that a fun little day by waking up and giving her kids each 11 hugs in celebration.  I said that I thought that was a cute idea and wanted to do it, so early that morning I got a text from Whit reminding me to give my kids 11 hugs.  That's just a small thing that a good friend did to help me improve one of my "mother-weaknesses." By following a friend's example, I made my kids' day by doing something they loved and showing them I loved them. 

Brooke will sometimes tell me how she gets tired playing cars and trucks and My Little Pony with her kids. She told me one time that she feels guilty for not loving to play those--and I thought to myself, "I never get tired of playing those things because...I never play them." Oops!  So whenever I hear her say that, I remind myself that I need to be more like her and PLAY with my kids.  

Honestly all of my “good mothering skills” have come from watching good friends who are great mothers. It doesn't depress me to see the strength of other mothers- it motivates me! I am enlightened and encouraged by their examples...remembering I am a work in progress. This can obviously apply to mothers of kids of all ages.  So what have I learned? That there's hope for me yet! If YOU want to be a better mom, surround yourself with great ones!

{Soni from Mercy River}

I was lucky enough to receive a copy of the new Mercy River CD, Higher and have been enjoying listening to it whilst I do my blog writing. I love the blending of their voices and find the songs inspiring and uplifting. One of my favourite songs from the album is 'Beautiful Life' and I have attached the new music clip below for you to listen to and enjoy.

To celebrate the release of the new Mercy River album I have one copy of the 'Higher' CD to giveaway on my blog. 

Here are the guidelines for the giveaway:

1. Add yourself as a follower on my blog (if you are not already) 

2. Open to Australian and American residents only 

3. Entries close Monday April 2nd at 5pm 

4. Winner chosen by the awesome random number generator 

5. Leave a comment below and tell me:

What lifts you 'higher' in your life?

You can also connect with Mercy River on facebook and twitter.

Giveaway now closed.

Congrats to Kimberly from The Brown Eyes Have It.

tough love: 'mummy, I feel lonely'

My Sam is a sweet boy. He is also a twin.

I showed some tough love when he had his first experience with loneliness.

I was busy rushing around the house, keeping the homework humming and putting away clothes when I rushed passed the boys room to see Sam sitting on his bed looking very upset. I stopped what I was doing and went over to have a chat to him. I sat down on the bed and asked him what was wrong. 

He replied, 'Mummy, I feel lonely'.

My first reaction was to cuddle him, to protect, to heal his heart and to take away this hurt he was feeling. Then I realised that this is probably the first time he has ever felt lonely. Growing up as a twin, in a house full of seven cherubs is not a lonely life to live. It is busy and there is always someone around to play with.

I asked him why he was feeling lonely and he shared that there was nobody for him to play with at that moment. Everyone else was busy and happy with what they were doing and he felt totally left out.

I thought about how growing up in a large family he might not often have this feeling in life. It is an important feeling to be comfortable with and I decided I did not want him to be feeling what loneliness was like for the first time at the age of 19 or 20. I wanted him to have moments or glimpses of it while he was young. So he could be comfortable spending time with himself and learn to be happy having time alone.

So I hugged him, kissed him, told him he is loved and left him alone. To feel.

I walked away, with a tender heart, knowing that sometimes I need to step back and to let my cherubs learn and feel things for themselves. It was hard, it hurt me a little and I am sure it hurt Sam but I knew it was the best thing for Sam at that moment. 

A little moment of tough love that I hope will help him in the future.

How do you cope with tough love?

Are you a softie with your cherubs or do you find it easy to take a step back?

celebrating and embracing the good we do

So often as women I find we talk down the good things that we do. 

We do not celebrate or embrace enough the good achievements that we make in our daily lives.

It is like it is not allowed. That it is wrong that we speak positively of our achievements in our home or to others. It drives me crazy that it is seen as bragging and boasting of our achievments instead of embracing and empowering ourselves for what we have done. I dislike that in trying to share some of these moments that women often can come away feeling ashamed and made to feel embarassed for speaking up and believing in themselves.

I believe we can and should celebrate our strengths and positive {motherhood} moments we have in life. Some of these moments are tough to get through and the only praise we receive from getting through them comes from ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with saying, 'You know what, I did an awesome job of getting everyone ready for school this morning' or 'Wow! I actually handled that situation really well. I cannot believe I did not lose my temper!'.

Personally, I had a really difficult situation with one of my daughters last week. It was a horrible time. At the end of the experience I was amazed just how calm I stayed through the whole process. Sure I got a little fired up, sure I felt I was going to explode but when it came time to talking to my daughter I was calm, cool and collected! I gave myself a pat on the back and allowed myself to feel happy with how I handled the situation.

To embrace this problem and encourage a little celebrating of the good that we do I wanted to see if you could share with me some of your great moments you have had lately. It can be at home, at work or in any situation in life. Let's celebrate today how awesome we are and start today off feeling good about ourselves.

dark and light of motherhood

{image}

I wrote this post 2 years ago and never published it.

I was worried it was a little too heavy for my blog.

This morning I decided, well it's my blog and today I like heavy.

So here we go!

During the week I had an appointment in the city and took my 2 year old daughter on the train with me. On this trip she taught me some valuable lessons about motherhood and helped me to see things with a different perspective.

As we were riding the train my daughter stood up on the chair to look out the window and she was surprised to see everything go black as we entered a tunnel. She loudly yelled out,
‘Dark mummy Dark’ and I said ‘Yes, it is dark outside’.

As she turned back to look out the window the train came out of the tunnel and she was delighted that she could now see out of the window. She smiled as she saw the scenery wizzing past.
“Light mummy light’ she yelled out to me.
“Yes, you can see the trees and the cars now’ I replied.
She was very happy that it was light and that she could enjoy the view on the train.

Shortly after that experience my daughter looked out the window and saw a train go past that had carriages filled with dirt and spray paint all over the outside of them. She looked at me and said, ‘Dirty mummy dirty’. Then she looked at the train we were riding in and lovingly rubbed the walls and said, ‘Clean mummy clean’.

Even though this was a small simple experience, I was impressed that my 2 year old daughter knew the difference between dark and light and it was obvious that she loved the light. As I pondered this moment I was reminded of the sacred role of being a mother, of the responsibility I have to continue to teach my daughter to love the light, to look for the light in her life and to also understand that the ‘light’ is the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I was also surprised that at such a young age she could clearly define the difference between dirty and clean. Oh! How I love that she cares to be clean. As her mother I know it is my responsibility to teach her how she can live a life that is clean and to teach her gospel principles.

{I want to insert here that I really believe that a clean life is a life that is lived by being kind, loving and considerate of others. It is about respecting yourself, your body and that of those around you. It is about being modest in speech, thought and action. I know my children will not be perfect at living a life like this and neither am I, but I want to teach them the best I can to live a life that is clean in purpose to save them from so much sadness that I see immodesty brings.}

As mothers we hope that even if our children find themselves in the dark and in situations where they may feel dirty or disappointed with choices they have made, that they can remember what we have taught them and know where to turn to find help. I want to always be available for my children, to help them in the dark and light of life and to love them regardless of whether or not they feel dirty or clean.

I know that there will be times when I myself will feel lost in the dark as a mother. That the trials we will go through as a family will feel like we are stuck in a tunnel with no hope of reaching the light. Such is life in a family. When we have had times like this we have clung to the light, we have hoped to see the light and we have kept moving forward until we reached that light, together. It has come through continual moments of sacrifice, service, and love.

The experience on the train helped me to see that even from a young age children can recognise the difference between dark and light, between dirty and clean and that teaching my cherubs to live the best life they can is such a worthwhile use of my time.

Motherhood in 500 words

Some of you may remember that I have been trying to collect 1000 words that relate to motherhood. I am finding it is quite a difficult task. We started out with the goal to collect 100 words and then moved on to 250 words. I am thinking that together we should be able to at least make it to 500 words. We are currently up to 280 words. Just over half way. So I would love it if you could check through the list below and let me know if you have any other words to add to our collection. Leave them in the comments section and we will update them as we go. Thank you for all your support so far.

A

Adventure, Affectionate, Affirming, Amazing, Awakening, Awe, Awe-inspiring, Awesome, Awestruck.

B

Beautiful, Bewildering, Bittersweet, Blessing, Bliss, Blissful, Breathtaking.

C

Calm, Caring, Challenging, Change, Chaotic, Cleaning, Colourful, Cooking, Confident, Considerate, Complicated, Connecting, Consuming, Contentment, Counsellor, Courage, Cozy, Crazy, Cute.

D

Daring, Dead end, Decisions, Delightful, Demanding, Depressing, Desire, Desirable, Difficult, Discovery, Disruptive, Divine, Diverse, Doting, Dream, Driving.

E

Educational, Empowered, Empowering, Emotional, Empathetic, Endless, Energising, Enlightening, Enduring, Entertaining, Enthusiastic, Enriching, Eternal, Exciting, Excruciating, Exhausting, Exhaustion, Exhilarating, Experimental, Expensive, Exstatic, Extreme, Extraordinary, Ever changing, Everything, 

F

Family, Fantastic, Fearless, Fierce, Finding self, Finally Fulfilling, Forever, Forgetful, Forgiving, For life, Frazzling, Fresh, Frenzy, Friend, Fruitful, Frustrating, Fun, Funny.

  

G

Generous, Grateful, Gratifying, Glorious, Gift, Giggles, Giving, Good, Grrr..., Gahhh!

H

Happy, Happiness, Hard, Heart, Heartbreaking, Heart-bursting, Heartfelt, Heartwarming, Heaven, Hilarious, Honing, Honourable. 

I

Identity, Indescribable, Incredible, Incandescent, Illuminating, Insane, Instincts, Instinctive, Infinite, Inspiring, Investment, Incomparable, Intoxicating, Intrinsic.

J

Jack of all trades, Journey, Joy, Joyful, Joy-ride, Jobs.

K

Karmic, Kiss, Kisses, Kind.

L

Labour of love, Laugh, Laughter, Laughing, Learning, Life altering, Life changing, Life giving, Light hearted, Life lessons, Lively, Losing yourself, Long suffering, Love, Loving, Lonely. 

M

Magician, Magical, Ma-ma, Memories, Messy, Miracle, Miraculous, Mindful, Mind-blowing, Mellifluous, Mother, Mom, Mortgage, Mysterious, Mum, Mumazing. 

N

Never ending, New, Nice, Noisy, Nurse, Nurturing, Numbing, No privacy, Non-stop. 

O

Organiser, Overwhelming, Original, Open.

P

Pain, Painful, Patient, Patience, Perspective, Pride, Primal, Protecting, Protective, Proud, Perfect, Perfection, Power, Powerful, Puzzling, Precious.

Q

Quiet, Quick, Quirky, Queen, Quintessential. 

R

Refreshing, Rewarding, Rich, Ridiculous, Roller-coaster.

S

Sacrifice, Sacrificing, Selfless, Scary, Shameless, Shopping, Significant, Sleepless, Stewardship, Stress, Stressful, Soul sucking, Spritied, Strong, Stupendous, Spontaneous, Sweet, Super, Surprising, Sympathetic, Sublime, 

T

Tally Ho! Transforming, Testing, Teaching, Tearful, Tearjerking, Tender, Time management, Training, Tickles, Tiring, Tiresome, Thankful, Thoughtful, Togetherness, 

U

Unbelievable, Uncomfortable, Unconditional, Unimaginable, Unpredictable, Unnerving, Unobtainable, Uplifting, 

V

Valuable, Vibrant, Vital, Vivacious, Voluptuous, 

W

Warm, Washing, Wise, Wonder, Wonderful, Work, Worry, Worrying, Worthwhile.

X

X-ray vision.

Y

Yelling,Yourself, Youthful, Yummy.

Z

Zany, Zen, Zest.